How To Be Me
by Ninja Pupr
Summary: Two years have passed since Lucas moved to New York City. Two years have passed in which Farkle has been struggling with emotions that he does not understand; emotions that make him feel disgusting. Sometimes it is just easier to be oneself. Of course that is an ability that must be learned. And learn it Farkle must. Rated M for later chapters, warnings inside.
1. Preface and Love Initiated

_**A/N: I started this over four times. I hope you all enjoy it. The M-Rating is for chapters to follow. Language is in this story, possible violence, and eventually man on man sex. Thank you for reading, and please leave a review to help me improve!**_

**Preface**

Sometimes feelings come upon us that we do not understand. Sometimes they are feelings that we have been trained not to have. They are feelings that hurt us more then being stabbed with a knife. They are feelings that we want to share, but we can't. These feelings come in many names, but one of those feelings is common to all people, within a certain degree. That particular feeling is love. Its accompaniment is dirt.

**Chapter 1: Love Initiated**

For the longest time, I believed that I was in love with two special girls. I also wasn't really aware of what love truly is. I still don't fully grasp the concept, but I can assure everyone that it is much more than looking at a person.

When my feelings went out of control, I did mistook it for a brotherly love. But the longer I shared time with him, the more I knew this went beyond brotherly love. I wanted to be there for him. I wanted to hug him, to kiss him. I wanted to be held by him. I also felt dirty. I knew that loving another boy was not right. That lesson had been pounded into me with the ferocity of a meat tenderizer. Yet this feeling persisted.

In truth the feeling has persisted since the seventh grade. A mere five months after meeting him, this feeling began. And it has continued on for two years. The strength of this feeling shocks me, and so does the power of the dirt feeling. It is quite degrading to constantly feel like you are as disgusting as a pile of newborn baby shit. And even after two years, I have not figured out how to quell the monster that plagues me.

The bell rang, signifying the end of the day. Having no particular place to be, I stood and stretched, which drew my turtle neck up. As Riley walked past me, she poked it. It created a feeling I understand: joy. I love to be tickled.

As I readjusted my shirt, Riley said, "How are you cutie?"

I smiled at her, "Better now that you are here."

The phoniness sliding off of my tongue sickened me. Although I loved to hang out with Riley, I did not love her the way she wanted me too. When we began dating in eighth grade, I was being completely selfish. I was using it as a shield; one for my family and one for myself. I was using her to hide my true feelings.

"I love you," she said, followed by a peck on the lips.

I returned the sentiment, while thinking, _I am a dick_, repeatedly. I was beginning to hate myself. I knew I had to end the relationship before it caused more pain, but I just couldn't do it.

She began to wrap her arms around me, but I stopped her, "No time right now, I have to get over to the library. I need a book for English."

"You never have time," she frowned.

I gave her a reassuring smile, "I promise. I will have more than enough time for you tomorrow."

I gave her another peck, and then gathered my books. She was the only person left in the classroom.

I lied to her three times. The first time, I told her I loved her. The second, I said I was going to the library. The third, I promised her I would have time. I knew I would be at a science competition. That would mean another lie tomorrow. I know in my heart, that when I die, I am going straight to hell. Then again, Peter denied Jesus three times, and I doubt he went to hell.

Instead of heading to the library after leaving the school, I traveled to the park. The park was a great place to go to when you feel down. At the park, there is peace. The pond was calm, even as the birds dipped there feet into it. The scent of the flowers was pleasant in the spring time, especially when the breeze was active. The park provided asylum from the real world, and a place to ponder everything.

Normally I sat on a bench and observed my surroundings, but today I decided to change my routine. I sat near the edge of the pond and removed my shoes and socks, and rolled up my pants. I then dipped my toes into the water, just like the birds. The cool of the water countered the heat of my feelings, while drawing my feet deeper into its eternity. I laid back, and looked into the sky. It was a brilliant blue, spotted by a perfect white.

The caress of the water and the perfection of the sky started to take me over. My senses were assaulted with a beauty that has not been felt for over two years. My eyes began to droop. Though I tried to fight it, I knew it was a battle I was doomed to lose. And lose it I did.

When I awoke, the sky's blue had faded to a bloody red. Like a machete, repeatedly stabbed into flesh. The red tainted the perfection. The red took away the peace of the park.

Sadly, I pulled my feet out of the water, and redressed them. I began the walk home. As I walked, I allowed my mind to stay empty. Not one noteworthy thought came to me as I traveled. The emptiness scared me a little. It seemed natural that I would be contemplative. But I wasn't.

My attempts at sleep later that night were all in vain. I do not know why I refused to believe sleep was as likely as my feelings being calm. For hours, I tossed and turned. My blankets tangled into an impossible knot.

Frustrated I flung them off of me. I stood and pulled on pajamas. I wandered aimlessly, unsure of where I was going. I just let my feet do the leading. And they took me to a familiar place.

XxX

I hadn't been to this place since we began dating. Mr. Matthews deemed it inappropriate for me to climb in daughter's window. I could see his logic. I just wished I could tell him. I would never have a desire to fuck his daughter. I am not into her like that.

She was laying on her bed, asleep. A pillow was tucked into her arms. I didn't want to wake her, but my conscious depended on it. Therefore I allowed my hand to lightly knock on her window. She shifted positions, but did not wake. I knocked again, but louder. This time she woke up.

She looked around until making eye contact with me. She smiled a little, and walked over to me. She kissed the window and then opened it.

"It has been so long since I have seen you through the window... like my personal Romeo," she said with a bright smile.

I did not smile back. I wasn't here to continue the farce I had been putting on for too long.

"What is it Farkle?" she inquired nervously. Her smile had faded.

"I have to tell you something... something important," I said. "Something I should have said a long time ago."

"What?"

I sighed, "Well I have been leading you on. For a long time. I love you, but not romantically. I am so sorry Riley. I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have lied, and I understand if you hate me. I would hate me."

The hurt look on her face pained me to a near unbearable level, "I am an ass. I get that. I have been holding on to this for so long, it is starting to hurt me. I can't explain to you the pain this has created for me. But I need it to stop. And I need to stop hurting you."

"Farkle, what is it?"

A few tears fell out of my eyes, "I-I... I'm... gay."

Riley was hurt as she said, "Wh-what does that mean?"

"Being gay?"

"No," she said. "For us."

I replied, "Don't make me say it. Please."

She looked at me, her stare unwavering. "Say. It."

I choked through my tears, "I am breaking up with you."

She pushed me out of the way, and shut the window. She went as far as to cover it with a blanket. I put my head down on the sill and cried.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there, until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up, through tear filled eyes. The person standing above me was Lucas.

"I didn't expect to see you here. I just came to help Riley with the anniversary gift she is making for you," he said. "Why are you cry..."

It must have occurred to him that Riley and I had just broken up. And what he said made everything worse. I was worse then a pile of newborn shit. I was a black widow, poisoning everything I touched.

He pulled me to my feet and said, "I am sorry buddy."

I felt so vulnerable, but I needed something to hang on to... someone to hang on to. So I hugged him and leaned my head on his shoulder. He returned the hug, and assured me it was okay to let it out. So I did. I cried into his shoulder. I eventually calmed. I never wanted the moment to end though. He was providing a comfort that went beyond my recent break-up.

He filled the void.


	2. Tripping

A stepping-stone can be a stumbling block if we can't see it until after we have tripped over it.

_-__Cullen Hightower_

**Chapter 2: Tripping**

Like everything good in this world, my moment with Lucas ended. When he finally split us apart, I was much calmer. My breath was still heaving, but the ocean of tears had ended. He smiled at me, and I smiled back. He is a great friend, and I would die if I lost him. Even if I wanted more, I figured I would have to be content with a friendship.

I tripped as I began to walk away, although I did not fall. Even so, I still began to cry again. Lucas must have felt helpless, watching me breakdown into the nothingness that makes up most of the universe.

He placed his arm around my shoulder, and said, "Come on. Let's go."

He lead us away from the window. Not a word was said during this time. Just silence. And it was beautiful. More words were said in this period of silence. The walk with Lucas was as calming as my pond. Of course that too would have to come to an end, but I refused to let it go.

He walked me to my home. After hugging me, he left me at the door. When I walked in, I figured it was still dark enough to sneak in without my parents being awake. At least one trouble would be avoided.

When I opened the door my mom was asleep on the couch. She must have had another nightmare. Those seemed to plague her more often than not. I tiptoed past her, and quickly walked to my room when I cleared the couch. As I crossed my room's threshold, I tripped and hurt my knees. I chuckled at this small irony, I tripped, just as my life had tripped.

When I stood up from my fall, a new wave of sadness hit me. Sitting on my nightstand was a picture of all of us. Riley was leaning on Maya, while Lucas stood, slightly bent over, next to the girls. I was standing on Mr. Matthews's desk, with my arms in the air. We were all smiling.

I calmly walked over to it and flipped it upside down. I had contemplated breaking it, but for some reason I felt like that would be a bigger betrayal than the lies I have already put them through. I morosely put on a new pair of jeans and shirt. I would have to be "waking" for school within the hour. I sat on my bed, and cupped my head in my hands. I couldn't understand why I was having such an ungodly experience with my emotions, and why I wasn't able to control them. Even when I tried to focus on things ending it still felt out of control.

An hour passed, and there came the usual knock at my door. It was my mom waking me up, or warning me it was time for breakfast. Reluctantly I stood, and walked to the mirror hanging on my door. I looked at myself in it, and made a few funny faces to cheer myself up. I did not want to explain the earthquake that was my emotions.

I slipped on the mask, and walked out. No one would be able to notice how much I had broken myself. The table was set with three plates of french toast, and three mugs of coffee. I pulled out my chair and sat. Within a minute mom and dad had taken their places too. I began to methodically prepare my coffee, adding one-half teaspoons of sugar with creamer. As I sipped at the hot liquid, my mom inquired about my sleep.

While cutting my french toast, I said, "My sleep was well, although I can't remember my dreams."

"At least you slept well," she told me with a sweet smile.

I forked some of the food into my mouth. It was amazing. It literally melted in my mouth. I thanked my mom for cooking it, despite having not swallowed.

"What time are you leaving for California, Stuart?" mom asked dad.

Dad was leaving for a business meeting or something like that today. He had things like this once a month, all in different cities. It was a routine part of our lives.

"After Farkle departs," he told her.

I finished eating, and then stood. I leaned over mom, and kissed her forehead. Dad held out his hand, and I shook it.

"See you in a few days," he said.

I smiled, "Have a good day mom and dad!"

I proceeded to leave my home with a feeling that things were going to go horribly wrong.

XxX

For years, Lucas, Maya, Riley, and I have had great luck. We were always in the same classes. But today that luck felt apocalyptic. When I entered the classroom, Riley did not notice my arrival. I walked past her to my seat near the back, with Lucas. He hadn't arrived yet.

Maya entered the room a few minutes later, and waved at me. She put her books on a desk a few spaces away from Riley, followed by her taking a seat on the desk next to Riley's. I wanted to know what they were talking about, but I had to make it look completely inconspicuous. I devised the perfect plan: I would get a tissue from the teacher's desk and pretend to blow my nose.

I initiated the plan and overheard the following:

_Riley_: Last night he came to the window. I figured it was something good. He never comes to the window.

_Maya_: Nothing new here. Give me the whole story.

_Riley_: Well he said that he was sorry a lot. And then he told me something kind of private... I can't share the information though. It wouldn't be right.

_Maya_: Was that all?

_Riley_: No... he also broke up with me. I was so pissed, so pissed. I slammed the window in his face.

_Maya_: I'm sorry Riles.

_Riley_: I didn't respond the right way, considering what he told me. I should have understood.

I suddenly felt like crying again. Not out of sadness though. That would be hypocritical. I wanted to cry because I was happy. She cared enough to keep that secret a secret. I still felt like a walking piece of male genitalia, but their conversation made me feel a little better.

I returned to my seat, mouthing a "thank you" as I passed by. Maybe the sense of foreboding was all for nothing. Just some overreaction, which is a skill I have been cultivating very carefully as of late. When Lucas walked into the room, I smiled at him. He took his seat next to me.

"Feeling any better?" he asked me.

I smiled again, and said, "I feel amazing!"

He patted my shoulder, "Good buddy!"

The bell rang, signaling the beginning of class. Truth be told, I could have gone through, and explained everything that occurred throughout the day, but none of these things have importance. The teachers are all rushing through the rest of the curriculum, due to the fact that summer begins in two weeks. The lessons were all dry, and daily interactions dryer. But nothing that lined up with the feeling that passed through me earlier.

When school drew to a close, I decided to hang out with Lucas. I figured it would not cause me a lot of pain, seeing as I had had a relatively good day. We decided to go watch a movie.

"Which one do you want to see?" Lucas asked me.

I wasn't sure. There were some comedies, a kid movie, a few horror movies, two dramas, and a romance. "Well, do you want comedy or a drama? I mean, the kids one would be okay if that's what you really want to watch."

"Well," he began, "can you handle a horror?"

I shivered a little... Horror movies are easily my least favorite genre of movie.

"Okay."

We bought tickets to a PG-13 movie called The Woman In Black 2: Angel of Death. Just the name was enough to create heart palpitations. I was constantly reminding myself it would be over soon. The first few minutes seemed almost normal, and void of horror. But soon this trend changed. Every chance I got I would jump, or shake hard enough to rattle the ice in my Sprite.

Lucas leaned over to me and whispered, "Fark, its okay. Its just a movie."

His words calmed me for a few minutes, but soon the effect dwindled.

"Do we need to leave?" There was genuine worry in his voice.

I shook my head side to side. By the end of the first hour, Lucas had turned my head away from the screen, and into his shoulder. One eye was still able to view the movie, though. And the horror was unrelenting. I was about to ask him to leave, when he began to gently rub my back in small circles. I decided I would be able to survive another hour if he kept this up.

The movie ended in the typical horror movie ending, but that time with Lucas was well worth it. I still could not get rid of the dirt feeling, but it was pushed down far enough for me survive. In truth, I felt like I was truly alive.

"I'm sorry Farkle," Lucas said.

I said to him, "Why? I had a great time!"

He chuckled, "You were scared shitless the whole time."

"It's okay," I said. "I needed the distraction."

He chuckled again, and we found our way to a subway station. We boarded the first subway that would take us close to my home. We idly chatted after leaving the station and walking home. At the door way, we bro-hugged.

"For real," I said, giving him a serious look. "Thank you."

He smiled, "Any time, buddy."

I opened the door. I saw mom sitting on the couch, crying.

XxX

My ominous feeling came to fruition. The void that I had just escaped, reopened. And this time it was the size of the universe, eternal. I tried to step around it, but when everything surrounding one begins to collapse, it becomes impossible to escape its fatal maw.

XxX

"What is it mom?" I shut the door behind me.

Her head shook back and forth, cause the loose fabric of our red couch to shine in the light of the lamp.

"Mom?"

She looked at me through tear soaked eyes, and just shook her head again.

"Tell me!" I demanded. "Please!"

She coughed a little before she could talk, "Oh Farlke."

I went and sat next to her. Somewhere inside, I began to realize what had happened. Tears began to pool in my eyes.

My mom hugged me, and said, "I'm sorry honey." She ran her fingers through my hair. "It's Stuart – your father. He- he- he died."

Shattered. "How?"

She heaved, "A car hit him. He was crossing the road when he tripped, and a car. It hit him. He was on his knees trying to stand up, but the car's operator didn't notice him. Not until he heard the thud."

"Oh my God," I said, shocked.

"They are s-sending h-his," her sobs conquered her voice for a moment, "body back here. You k-know, for the f-f-funeral."

I leaned in to my mom, and together we cried. Through my muddled brain, I thought, _What a beautiful sight this must be. Broken mother comforting broken son._

XXX

_**A/N: I hope that the people reading this, are enjoying this. The coming chapters are going to be much more emotional, and violent. With the exception of Stuart's death, I will not write about (bad things) something I have not experienced, or done. This is so I can keep the events as realistic as possible. Thanks for reading, and leave a review if you find a mistake (or if you just want to review).**_


	3. Destroying

**A/N: Thank you to the people that have favorited and followed the story, it means a lot. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read my stuff, even if you don't like it. **

**Warnings: Light violence, light gore, intense emotion throughout.**

"[Farkle] thought about it. 'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?'**  
><strong>'That is the only time a man can be brave,' his father told him."

**-**George RR Martin, _A Game of Thrones_

**Chapter 3: Destroying**

At the time, all thoughts I had of Lucas were gone. All thoughts of being happy... gone. Nothing was able to comfort me. It surely did not help that the funeral was going to be soon. The viewing sooner. I can't grasp why we have viewings or funerals. I can assure anyone who asks, I hate them. Why would I want to go and look at the dead body of my father? Why would I want to look at his cold, lifeless face? Why would I want to say goodbye? Wouldn't it be easier just to ignore the fact that he no longer exists?

I had asked if I could pass on the funeral and viewing. My mom said no. She said I had to, because family would expect me to be there. Appearances... that's all it was about. She didn't give a fuck about what was in my best interests. She just wanted to make sure we looked good. I think that that hurt me ten times more then the death of my dad.

For the second night in a row, sleep had evaded me. Despite being tired, I couldn't keep my eyes shut. I was not sure whether it was the pain I felt at the loss, or fear that I would have to wake up. Whichever it was, I wished it would go away soon.

Angrily I threw my sheets off of me and stood up. Instead of stretching up as is normal, I stretched downward. The pull at my muscles released some of the stress that I have built up over the few days since my mom told me. I pulled on my clothes, which were not my normal either. I wore a pair of gray sweat pants, and a gray undershirt. It fit my mood.

I could smell something cooking. I was not quite sure what it was, but I knew I wanted nothing of it. Food is truly a disgusting thing when one is falling apart. Just a simple description such as: The decadent honey ham is served with a side of buttery broccoli, can sound like: The rotting hoary ham is served with a side of brackish broccoli. The same can be said for scent.

I opened my door and began to walk down the hall. Hanging to my left was a picture of my father holding me on his shoulders. The shoulders that, after tonight, I would never feel again. I was smiling. He was smiling. We had been having fun. I made a fist, followed by me beating the picture. I threw my fist into the smiles repeatedly. Glass shards began to fall to the floor, and the picture produced white lines across the surface. Red was also tinting it. That didn't end my power surge though. I continued to hit the photo, even when I could feel splinters of shattered glass pierce my skin. Even when my mom ran down the hall and tried to pull me away from the picture. Even when she had finally gotten me in the car, I beat the picture with my mental fist.

BbB

Before my mom had gotten me out the door of the house, I had caught a glimpse of breakfast. Ham and eggs. Dad's favorite.

BbB

She took me to a hospital. My hand was pretty fucked up. It bled the whole drive. But the pain was barely noticeable. I believe there were some leftover shards in it too. Don't take my word for it though, I was mentally unable to comprehend very much.

Mom cried the whole drive. She mumbled things about how life is unfair, but we have to move past the bullshit. She told me how hard it was for her to lose dad, and that she couldn't lose me too. That one struck a chord, I loved my mom. She was one of the most influential people in my life. Her and dad...

BbB

The hospital was actually clean for once. Not that I had spent much time in hospitals, but the few times I had been in one, the had never been as clean as this. The doctor's and nurses were all quite nice too. I think they even understood my dilemma with the viewing and funeral stuff. It was a nice feeling to be understood... to feel like something.

"Why did you do that?" mom asked.

I was unsure, "I don't know. I saw how happy dad and I looked in the picture. I got taken over by rage."

She sighed, "But why did you let it take you over?"

Like me, she was not used to dealing with death. "So I could feel something."

"Oh Farkle, what does that mean?" she questioned... again.

"Mom," I said, "it means that I am trying to deal with losing dad."

A doctor entered the room with some information that we all knew was coming, "You are going to need stitches."

As he threaded the skin back into place, I wondered if anything would ever thread my life back in place. I figured nothing would. Dead is dead, and being yourself is wrong. But for some reason I still had the will to live, like the fire of a candle that is about to run out of wick... barely holding on.

BbB

The stitches were fun to look at, despite there being only a few. It was like a snake crawling through my skin. The way the stitches followed the cut was interesting to say the least. I toyed with one of the loose strings.

Mom sighed from the driver's seat, "Farkle... Are you okay?"

I flashed a dead smile, "I will be... Once things cool down."

"I am sorry," she said.

"For what?" I asked her.

She looked at me, "For not considering your feelings. If you don't want to go to the viewing or the funeral you don't have to."

I teared up, and said, "Thank you, but I am going to going to go. I may regret not going when I am old."

"It is okay if you don't want to," she assured me.

"No," I said, "I am going to go."

She tousled my hair, "I will always love you."

"I love you too," I said. And I meant it.

Suddenly she slammed on the breaks, causing me to lean forward. Although I had a seat belt, she instinctively threw her arm across me. I sat back and surveyed the scene. A person had walked out in front of us. Mom had barley seen him. The situation reminded me of that of dad's... except this guy survived. Mom pulled into a driveway near where the man had jumped to safety.

Mom rolled down her window, and yelled, "Are you okay sir?"

Shaken, he replied, "Yes! I am so sorry. I didn't see you." He walked to the window.

"We didn't see each other," mom said. The man looked at me.

"And you son? Is he okay?"

Mom said, "He is as okay as he can be." She explained what had happened, which didn't hurt me any. It felt good to get it off my chest, even if it was through mom.

"I am sorry about your loss," the man said. "Let's see if I can make you feel better."

I was confused, and from the look on mom's face she was equally as confused. I decided to voice our concerns, "How?"

He smiled, which showed off his white teeth, "Well you have brown hair. And you have blue eyes. That makes you a mutant."

"Thanks for the clarification," I mumbled.

He chuckled, "Too old for X-Men fantasies apparently... Well I think its pretty cool to be a mutant, even without super powers. Sometimes it takes the mutant within us to understand."

"Understand what?" I asked, forgetting my current situation.

He gave me a cryptic smile, "Let your mutant out, and you will know."

My mom put her hand on my knee, "Sorry to cut this short, especially when you are feeling normal Farkle. But we can't be late for... you know."

I nodded gravely, "Bye."

He smiled again, and then walked away. I realized I never learned his name.

BbB

I was in my room getting prepared for the viewing. I had a crisp, white shirt tucked into my ironed black pants. Over the shirt I pulled on a black vest, and buttoned the three buttons. I tied a black tie around my neck, and tucked the tip into the vest. I was beginning to look like death himself. I sat on the edge of my bed and pulled on black socks. I covered them with shiny black shoes. I picked up the black jacket. I put it on. You couldn't even see the white shirt, but I knew, underneath all the black, there was white. And all I had to do was let it out.

BbB

The funeral home had Victorian style decorations, with lights that created a somber mood. The music they played was cheesy. Classical, and peppy. It negated the somberness. But it helped keep a sort of neutral mood. Of course people still cried, and people were still sad. It was a viewing after all.

I had already been up to see his body. He was in a suit that looked just like mine. Completely black. I kissed his cold cheek, and hugged him. I told him I loved him. But I knew that I didn't need to tell a spiritless body for him to know it. We had had a wonderful relationship. Death could not take that away. When I'd had enough of the body I walked away.

In the back of the viewing room, I saw the picture I had destroyed earlier. Well a copy of it. It was in perfect condition. I peeked around me, making sure no one could see. When I was certain the area was clear, I reached towards the picture, and peeled it off of the blackboard. I carefully folded it, so that it would not obstruct me or dad, and placed it in my pocket. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I stopped moving, _Shit..._

"Hey buddy," Lucas said, pulling me into an embrace.

A sigh of relief passed through my body, "Hey." I returned the hug.

"Are _you_ going to be okay?" he asked me.

I looked into his green eyes, "Yeah. It just sucks you know."

"No," he said, "I don't know. I have never lost a parent. I wish I could be more understanding, more of a friend."

"Lucas, you are a great friend. No one could ask for a better one," I told him.

"Wow," he said. "I just wish... I don't know. I want you to be okay."

I loved his concern, but the conversation I had with the man earlier made me know I was okay. His friendship let me know I was okay. I didn't need to worry about the differences. I had to get rid of the outer layer, I had to destroy it.

"Buddy," I imitated him, while taking off my jacket, "I am more than okay."

I started to unbutton the vest when he said, "What are you doing Farkle?"

"I am letting the white out. I am letting the mutant free," I told him. A surge of fear passed through my body, but I continued. I was too close to stop now. I pulled my tie over my head. Nothing was covering the white. I was free.

Lucas looked extremely worried, "Farkle, I don't think you are okay."

"Trust me," I said, "I am fine."

I walked past him, towards the body. I must have piqued his interest, because he followed me. The line leading to the body mattered nothing to me. I had to free him too. I had to free all these people from themselves. So I took off the body's black. I could see the white, just a layer lower. Once it was free, everyone could finally see. They would see that death was not an end, but a beginning. They could see, they could see it with me!

I removed the last layer of black, and reached the shirt. The shirt, the white finally!

"Look! Lucas! Look!" I said excitedly. "The white! Can't you see it?"

He was confused, "Farkle, what white? The shirt is black."

"Come on," I begged. "Please! See it with me. Please!"

But he didn't see, and the people in the line were looking at me. They saw, but what they saw was not understanding. They saw a broken ninth grader. I heard some distant relative sob in the line, and I saw Mr. and Mrs. Matthews with their sad looks. I saw Riley, who was crying silently, with a constant stream of tears. I shook my head, and felt Lucas pulling me away. He took me away from the viewing room, away from the people. I heard him exchange some words with people in the line as we passed, but I didn't hear them. I just assumed they were reassuring words, words to let them know he would help me out.

Once we were away from the room, he pulled me into a tight embrace. I let myself go limp, and I cried. Long, hard, heavy sobs. His shirt must have been soaked with my tears. He was lightly rubbing my back.

"Farkle," he said. "It's all going to be okay. I promise it will be better soon."

I hardly believed him. Nothing could be okay ever. I shook my head.

"Yes it will be," he assured me.

We remained in this hug for a few minutes, but eventually my tears dried up, and my heaving stopped. I was beginning to feel a little better.

"Thank you," I said, looking into his green eyes.

"You're welcome buddy," he said.

I wasn't thinking cognitively. My body was controlling itself. My body took off the cover that masked the biggest secret I held.

"Lucas," I said.

"What?"

"I love you," and I kissed him. I was inexperienced when it came to kissing, Riley and I had done little of it was still nice. And for I moment, I think he even kissed me back. But then he stopped.

Lucas's face was flushed as he said, "Uh, my mom... said I could only stay for an hour. I-I have to go."

I knew he was trying to get away, and that was okay. I knew he wasn't gay. I wasn't sure why I had let myself kiss him. It still hurt though, when he left me standing there.

"Goodbye, Lucas," I called to him. He didn't respond.

BBB

**A/N: What do you all think of an adventure into the mind of Lucas Friar next chapter? Would you all like to hear what he has to say about all of this? Leave a review with your opinion. Also, leave a review with a hint of where you want the story to go. There are few places I won't explore! Thanks! Sorry to leave this off at such a bad place right before Christmas, but it had to be done! If you want something a little happier, then please check out my"Christmas Gifts" story. I hope all of my readers have a wonderful Christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate!)! Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and I promise things are going to get better... maybe. ;)**

**Ninja**


	4. Confusion

**A/N: I am happy that some of you are enjoying this story. This chapter is completely told from the point of view of Lucas, and it will probably be the only one told by Lucas. This is actually an edited and revised draft of the first chapter. I think it fits in now, and I hope you all enjoy!**

You can't follow your heart when it is more

confused than your head.

**-Unknown**

**Chapter 4: Confusion**

Farkle kissed me. He kissed me on the lips. My best friend. My loyal friend. My smart friend. My apparently gay friend. The first thing I felt was a rush, a freeing emotion. I liked the kiss, and I even kissed back. For a moment. The next thing I felt was confusion. I liked it? Am I gay? Am I bi? Do I want another kiss? Had I been feeling this way for a long time, but didn't act on it because I was scared? What was I scared of?

My face was flushed as I said, "Uh, my mom... said I could only stay for an hour. I-I have to go."

"Goodbye, Lucas," Farkle called to me. I didn't respond.

I felt awful for not responding. I could have waved, turned to look at him, something. What the fuck was I thinking? I assume I didn't want to handle the stress that comes with being a guy that is with another guy. But I wasn't even sure if I really wanted to be that kind of guy. Maybe I wasn't being given the choice. I had never had a girlfriend, but Farkle had. That thought just caused me more confusion. How could my buddy be gay, if he had had a girlfriend?

Later that night I lay in my bed, trying to sort everything out. I wasn't sure if going to his dad's funeral would be a good idea. I didn't want to hurt him with my presence. But the voice in the back of my head said that I was thinking about not going because I didn't want him to do it again. The most rational part of me told me that what I want doesn't matter, and that right now Farkle needs a friend. I decided I would decide in the morning, and flipped over to sleep.

LlL

Sleep was nearly impossible. And the sleep I did get was interrupted by awful dreams. Dreams about him, and me. Talking, kissing, dating. I hated them, yet I didn't. They were also amazing, and I did not want them to come to an end. When it was finally time to wake up, I felt like I hadn't slept for years.

Slowly I pulled on my clothes, which consisted of black pants, a black jacket, and black shoes and socks. The shirt underneath was white. I dressed so nicely, because of the funeral... I had to go, I could not leave Farkle alone, no matter how gay, or how confused I was. That is not what a best friend is for. I was going to suck it up, to keep Farkle as stable as possible.

I walked out of my room, and down the stairs that lead to the living room. I saw my mom sitting on the couch, watching some morning talk show on the news. Dad was probably working still. Third shift was awful... I couldn't remember the last time I had spent time with my dad. I did remember Farkle, and I thought, _At least I still have a dad..._

"Mom," I shouted into the room. "I am going to Farkle's. I'll see you later, love you!"

She half-turned to look at me and said, "Okay sweety, love you too."

LlL

I reached Farkle's home and the mood was immediately made apparent to me. A thick cloud of depression settled over me. I knocked on the door, and Farkle's mom answered.

"Good morning Lucas," she said in a somewhat monotone voice.\

"Good morning Mrs. Minkus," I said. "I know that Farkle isn't_ good__, _but is he okay?"

She flashed a hurt smile, "He will be. Thank you for showing up, he said you might be mad at him. He didn't say why though."

"I wouldn't leave him in a time of need... ever," I assured her. "In either case, I was never mad at him anyway."

She smiled again, and let me in. I walked straight to Farkle's room. I was worried about him. I couldn't get the thought out of my head that he had done something bad. Something everyone would regret. I knocked on his door, but he didn't answer. I knocked again, somewhat more furiously. When he didn't answer again, I opened the door anyway. He wasn't dressed yet. He was wearing a tank top, and boxers.

"Farkle," I said, approaching him. "You need to get dressed buddy."

He looked up at me, and didn't say a word. He just cried.

I sat next to him, and pulled him close to me. "I am not mad." I said it sternly.

"I know," he said through his crying. "If you were you wouldn't be here."

I didn't respond. I didn't know what to say.

He finally stopped crying, and said, "I shouldn't have kissed you. Not like that. It wasn't fair to you. I am gay, but you aren't. I should have told you, and listened to you. I shouldn't have kissed you. I am sorry."

I hugged him tighter, as the sentences fell into place in my head. "How do you know I am not gay? How do you know I don't love you like that? You don't."

Too stern; I had not considered him telling himself he would be completely rejected. That was a dumb move on my part. I didn't know how to fix it.

"Lucas..." he was breathing heavily. I could tell he was holding back his tears.

I turned his head toward mine, and wiped away some of his stray tears with my thumb. "Farkle, you don't know how I feel about you. But you were brave enough to kiss me, despite the high chance of rejection. You are a brave person."

He looked at me with his big blue eyes.

"Sometimes," I said, "Sometimes, you have to remove the layers."

I was the one to kiss this time. And this time Farkle was the shocked one. The kiss was not an experienced one. But it was a loving one, one shared between new loves. It was our seal.

"I love you Lucas."

"I love you too Farkle."

LLL

**A/N: Warnings are fast approaching! Be warned (pun intended)! Anyway, I hope you all like this chapter... and I am sorry it is kind of short.**


	5. Love and Virginity

"Of course. If you're not afraid of kissing someone, they're not worth kissing."

**-The Kissing Coach**

**Warnings: Language, virginity, sexual contact, alcohol abuse. (Nothing extremely hardcore... yet!)**

**Chapter 5: Love and Virginity**

_Three Months After the Funeral_

Lucas and I began our relationship on the day another one ended. For a long time, I had believed that my father and I shared what was the most important relationship of my life. As Lucas and I grew in the ways we knew each other, I began to realize how wrong I was. Even if we were to break up, he will always be my first real love. My first meaningful kiss. He was the man who taught me how to be me.

We had not moved past kissing as our form of physical contact. But the kissing had grown somewhat more intense. We would hug as we kissed now, allowing the other to feel the heat of another body. We did not share tongues yet, that was something neither of us we were willing to do yet. I blamed it on our equal status of incoming sophomores, which really just meant I thought we were too immature to do that.

We also had not told our parents yet. I wasn't sure how Lucas's family would take it. I hadn't spent enough time with his family, which consisted of a mom and a dad. His dad was rarely home, which made it even harder to get to know him, let alone come out to the two. My mom, on the other hand, would take it fairly well. But she has yet to get over dad's death, and she is too is rarely home. She has been staying at work later to avoid the memories. And when she is home, she is never out of reach of a bottle of vodka. I was beyond worried about her, but at the same time, there was nothing I could do to help her.

I don't think I could have gotten over dad either, if not for Lucas. I was so scared he wouldn't come back after I kissed him that first time, that I had contemplated enrolling in an online school. But he did return, and he was accepting in an unimaginable way. When he came into my room that morning, I was expecting him to tell me that he did not love me in the way that I did. I had not expected him to kiss me. That moment was when I knew that I would be able to keep going. I knew that I was going to be okay.

We were in my park. My left leg was sort of wrapped around his right, and our feet were dipped into the pond. His arms were extended behind him, supporting his body. I was leaning on him, my head nuzzled his neck. The sky was a glorious blue, and the pond was a translucent blue. I could see our rippling reflection in the water, and it was one of the best things I had ever seen.

"Where are we going to eat dinner tonight?" I asked him.

Lucas replied, "I was thinking maybe at your house. We have been at mine for four days... I think my mom wants a break."

"Okay," I smiled. "I am not sure what my mom is cooking... or if she is cooking."

The sun was starting to set, giving the sky a reddish hue. I figured it was going to be an hour, maybe two, until my mom had dinner. I thought it might be a good idea to ask her if it was okay first, instead of just coming home with a new mouth to feed.

Lucas looked at my eyes, and grinned. "Your mom doesn't pay as much attention to us as mine does. We might be able to go a little farther tonight..."

Alright, when I implied it was both of us that were unwilling to move on, I had lied. It was me. I didn't think I was ready to lose my virginity, or even make out. I can't tell you why, other than immaturity.

"Come on Lucas," I said. "You know I don't feel ready for that."

He sighed, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't suggest that..."

I smiled, "You can't help it, you are a horny 16 year old boy." I pecked his lips.

He returned the kiss and said, "And you aren't?"

"Nope, I am an old man," I said, "who has already had his fill of sex."

"Then why would I date you?" he chuckled

"Because," I said, "I am a cute, and cuddly old man."

He kissed me again and we laughed. We had conversations like that quite frequently. He basically asked for sex, and I rejected him. He asked why he wanted to be with me. I would give him a silly answer, sometimes about being old, sometimes about being a puppy. They were wonderful conversations that I was always anxious to have.

We unlinked our bodies, and stood. We both stretched, at about the same time. I stopped stretching before him though. I loved to watch his body stretch. Especially when his shirt lifted up slightly and exposed his belly. I also liked to watch his toes curl. It was adorable, the way they scrunched up and then released.

"What are you looking at?" he said.

I flushed a dark red, "N-nothing!"

"Don't feel ready my ass," he said mockingly.

I didn't reply as we put on our shoes and began to walk to my home, hand in hand.

SsS

When we were a block away from my house we stopped holding hands, so we did not draw suspicion. Lucas, and his Mr. Perfect attitude, was self-conscious about our relationship. I thought that since he never pushed too much for sex, I would give him the respect of staying in the closet... despite how claustrophobic it is.

I walked through the door before Lucas, so I could confront my mom with the question. Unsurprisingly she sat on the couch, with a glass of champagne. She looked up, and took a sip. Her head bobbed for a moment before she addressed me.

"Hi honey," she said. "I made a meatloaf for dinner."

"Thanks mom," I said. "Would it be okay if I brought Lucas over for a night or two?"

She sipped at the sparkling liquid again, "Yeah, there will be more than enough. It is going to be an hour or two until it is ready though."

I nodded at her and went to get my boyfriend. When he walked in he waved politely to my mom, who replied by pulling a bottle of champagne from behind the couch and refilling her glass. Lucas frowned slightly, and walked down to my room. I followed.

Lucas looked at me and said, "Is she okay?"

"No," I said, "but there is nothing I can do about it. I hate it, but I just can't help her."

"I am sorry buddy," he said.

I smiled, "Its not that bad anyway. She still cooks and pays the bills."

Lucas chuckled and sat on my bed. He picked up the controller to my PS3 and fiddled with it. I sat on a chair that was close to the bed. I turned on the television in my room. The channel I had been watching before going over to Lucas's house was the science channel. I heard Lucas laugh in the background, but I wasn't paying attention. The program immediately engrossed me. It was something about the beginning of time.

"Farkle," Lucas said, but I didn't hear him. I was too interested in the fact that there was radiation from the Big Bang still floating around in the atmosphere.

Suddenly my view of the television was blocked by a human body. I shouted, "Lucas! I was watching that!"

"Not anymore buddy," he said.

I felt him grab me and toss me onto the bed. I tried to get up, but I was moving to slowly. He was on top of me, one leg on either side of my body. I couldn't escape.

"Lucas!" I said. "You know I don't want this yet!"

He smiled at me, and said, "I won't do anything you say no to."

I crossed my arms, "Fine..."

He reached behind his back, and pulled off my shoes and socks. Tossing them aside, he used a free finger to trace a line along the bottom of my foot. I laughed and kicked. He didn't stop though, he just continued to tickle my feet. He made sure to attend to each of my toes.

Through my laugh I heard him say, "I think you like this..."

He moved up my legs, and began to tickle my knees, but they were not nearly as ticklish as my feet. When he discovered that, he moved up. He was tickling the inside of my thighs, very close to my crotch. I turned red, but I couldn't tell him to stop because of the intense tickling going on. I then felt myself getting hard. I tried with all my might to stay down, but the tightening of my pants as they were pushed away from my body betrayed me. I poked Lucas.

He just laughed, "That's cute! Maybe you are ready."

"Aww come on!" I said, realizing I didn't ask him to stop.

"You asked for it buddy!" Lucas said.

He crushed his lips onto mine. I felt his tongue reaching out of his mouth, seeking entrance. I held my ground as he traced my lips, which gave me another tickle. I held back the laugh. But then he began to grind our bodies together. I felt his hardness, and realized he was just as hard as I was. I moaned, and his tongue went in. He won.

Lucas kept grinding as we made out, and I felt myself coming close. Lucas must have been able to tell, although I am not sure if it was through my increased speed in breathing, or my hands that were squeezing his ass cheeks. He freed a hand from beneath my back and reached into my pants. I moaned when I felt the warmth from his hand on my member. When he began stroking me I stopped trying to hold myself back. I came all over his hand, sending spasms throughout my body. Lucas removed himself from on top of my body. I turned bright red, as I felt my erection go away, and saw my cum dripping off of his hand.

I hid my eyes and said, "I'm s-sorry!"

"Why are you sorry? I did it," he said to me.

I looked at him, still red. He was grinning. I saw that he was still hard. I didn't know if I should help him, or if I should let him... sex, well mutual masturbation actually, was completely new to me.

I began to reach towards the zipper of his jeans, "D-do y-you want me to...?"

He shook his head, "No... I will handle it. I don't want you to be too overwhelmed... and you need to change."

I looked down and saw what he was referring to. I had missed his hand more than I expected. I am sure that some of it had fallen from his hand, and onto my crotch. I got embarrassed again. I was still shocked that I came, and I was slowly drifting into the thoughts that I let him get me off. It scared me, but I had liked it so much. And I can't remember the last time I had gone for that long with so much coming out.

"Alright," I said. "You know where my bathroom is, go wash your hands."

Lucas chuckled and walked to my bathroom. I stood up and took off my jeans and underwear. Of course, I had some cum on the skin on my crotch. I had a few options. I could try and remove it with my fingers, or I could ask Lucas for a washcloth from the bathroom. I didn't want my hand dirty, but I also didn't want to risk him seeing me. I figured it would be more embarrassing to have cum-covered fingers when he walked back in, then for him possibly seeing me nude. So I knocked on the bathroom.

"Lucas," I said, "can you give me a damp washcloth real quick?"

I heard panting coming from the bathroom, followed by his reply, "Just... just come in... get it yourself."

"But I am _naked_!" I said.

"Dude," he said, panting more. "I just held... your... dick in my hand, and made you cum... seeing you... naked... is not going to phase me."

I realized what he was doing... he was handling it. I didn't know if I wanted to see... him. My lust had worn away in the few seconds between his disappearance, and my stripping. I also needed a washcloth desperately, especially before dinner.

"Fine..." I grumbled.

I opened the door, and saw his clothes piled on the floor in front of the shower. I could not see his lower half though, because the bottom half of the glass shower curtain was opaque. The top half was not, and I could see his head was thrown back in ecstasy. I rushed over to the sink and pulled a washcloth out of a drawer. I looked back over at him, he was not looking. I turned on the water, and dampened the washcloth. He still wasn't looking.

As I was wringing out the wet cloth, I heard Lucas's pants turn into moans. I quickly wiped off my cum, when he looked. He had repositioned so that his back was on the wall. I figured it was to support his body through his climax, but he happened to open his eyes. I flushed again, but I didn't move. In fact, I turned to face him. I knew I wasn't going to get hard again, let alone cum for the second time, but I caressed my balls for him.

_ What are you doing? _I thought to myself. I was not horny, not in the slightest. I even felt guilty for cumming with him. Yet I felt this inner desire to make him happy, to give him the best climax I could, without touching him. So I continued to caress myself, sometimes stroking my flaccid cock slowly. I made eye contact with him as he came, his body shook as the orgasm traveled through him.

Through heavy breathing Lucas said, "Wh-what the hell Farkle?"

I looked at his green eyes, seeing his blond hair dripping water. I felt intense love for him in that moment. I finished wiping my groin.

"You're welcome," I said to him, and left the room.

SsS

At dinner I began an awkward conversation. It was an awkward one for my mother, for my boyfriend, even for me. I wanted to have it anyway.

"Mom," I said, after swallowing my meatloaf, "what would you consider losing your virginity?"

Lucas's eyes widened and he turned as red as I had been earlier. My mom looked at me, in a confused way.

"Did you and Riley do anything?"

I sighed, "No mom. We broke up. A few months ago."

"Oh," she said. "I don't know. I guess it would depend on who you asked."

"I am asking you, mom," I said. Lucas remained silent.

She sighed, and gulped a bit of her alcohol, "Personally, I would say that virginity is only lost when you feel it is lost. There is no sexual act that can take away something so important to us humans, just the person we truly love."

"Thanks mom," I said.

The rest of dinner was eaten in silence.

SsS

Night had fallen on New York City. Lucas and I were observing the city as we cuddled. We had dragged the chair over to the window. Lucas sat down on the chair, and I sat on his lap. I leaned back, placing my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me so he could pull me closer to him. I heard the sound of my mom stumbling to shut her bedroom door.

"You know Lucas," I said. "My mom makes a lot of sense."

"What do you mean?" he asked me.

I kissed his neck, "When she was talking about virginity."

"Yes, it was a nice thought I suppose," he said.

"It was an amazing thought," I smiled at him.

"I don't know," he said. "I don't really get sucked into the mushy stuff I guess..."

I started to close my eyes, as I moved in closer to him. I yawned, and he rubbed my back.

"I love that thought because it means _you_ took my virginity."

"What do you mean?" my love asked me, but I was already asleep.

SSS

**A/N: This will probably be the last chapter I get out until next weekend (possibly two weeks), because school is starting up again, and I have exams soon. I hope you liked this chapter, I tried to make it the best one so far. Again, I apologize for the wait. Write you all soon(ish)!**


	6. Continuing Love and Virginity

"Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life."

**-Annie Roiphe**

**Warnings: Strong language, light violence, strong alcohol abuse, angst and grief, gay sex (slightly more graphic than the previous chapter.)**

**Chapter 6: Continuing Love and Virginity**

I woke up to the blinding sun filtering through the window, and my mom pounding on the door. I blinked for a moment, as I tried to recapture my memory. I felt Lucas beneath me. The pounding increased as I stood from his lap. I was scared, normally mom does not pound on the door. She just leaves a simple knock. I shook Lucas awake.

"Wake up!" I said. "I think someone broke in!"

He shot up, "What the hell is wrong?"

"Someone," I said, pointing to my door, "broke in! I think they hurt my mom!"

"Farkle, think rationally," Lucas said.

I looked at him, confused, "What do you mean?"

"If someone had broken in, they would not just pound on the door," he explained. "They would break in."

I said, "So what is going on?"

The pounding stopped and was replaced by shouting, "Farkle! Wake the fuck up! It is damn near noon!"

"Mom," I asked, "why are you yelling?"

The door flew open, and I realized she was home early. She was drunk... more drunk than she had been since she started drinking. I figured she had been fired.

"I got fired because of a fucking random drug test, and I have a fucking fag for a son! And don't act like you two weren't cuddling and fucking last night! I god damn heard you!" she shouted. "Now get the fuck up!"

I turned white, I didn't understand why I was suddenly a "fucking fag". I just felt broken. I forgot my boyfriend was there behind me. I just felt the heat of hate rushing from my mom's heart into mine. Misery consumed me again. But a new kind of misery. My mom had never been a homophobe... she was always advocating gay rights. This sudden change bothered me on a level that is unimaginable.

"But we didn't have sex!" I told her.

She scowled, "What difference does it make... I am obviously not going to get any grand kids whether you fuck now or later. I still can't believe you are a fucking fag."

She spit some of the words, sending the scent and taste of alcohol through the air. I coughed, a small attempt to hold back the tears that were inevitably approaching. This pain she created with those two words is indescribable. Her hate hurt me, and he drunkeness scared me.

"Mom, why?" I asked.

"Why what?" she yelled.

"Why so much alcohol? Why are you drinking?" I began to beg. "This is not you, you don't drink, you don't hate. You love. You care. You cherish things important to you."

"That was before your fucking father got himself hit by a damn car," she said. "I need a drink!"

A single tear rolled down my cheek, "Mom, please stop. You are going to kill yourself."

"You want me to stop?" she grabbed my arm and dragged me to the kitchen. I wasn't sure if Lucas had followed or not. "I'll fucking stop!"

She reached into the refrigerator and removed a bottle of wine. I noticed it was half full. She took the cork out of the top, and took a long gulp. I backed up until I bumped into Lucas. I felt his arms wrap securely around me. She lowered the bottle, and took aim.

"Nobody wants fucking tainted wine!" she shouted, throwing the bottle towards us.

Lucas turned me away. I heard the glass shatter somewhere near us. Some of the liquid touched my bare foot. I turned and buried my head in Lucas's shoulder.

"Still want me to quit?" she yelled.

I didn't answer, I couldn't. She threw another bottle. This time it bounced off of Lucas's back before shattering on the floor. I heard Lucas grunt in pain, and then movement. I didn't realize that Lucas was removing us from the environment until mom shouted.

She shouted, "You fucking stay away!"

As he dragged us away, I could hear her still. Mumbling profanity, and slamming things around.

AaA

I wasn't very aware. I was confused, because mom had never been that drunk before. She had never hated gay people before. I didn't understand the situation in the slightest. I barely connected with the fact that Lucas had taken us to his house. I was in his room, and I could vaguely make out his voice in the distance. I just sat on his bad and waited.

When he returned he told me he had explained that my mom was drunk and mean. He apparently left out the "fucking fag" part. He must have wanted to save the bit for later.

I looked at Lucas with pleading eyes, "Why was she like that Lucas? She has been drunk a lot, but that was abnormal. Even last night she was drunk, but nice."

"I don't know buddy, but I wish I could help more than this," he said, putting an arm around my shoulders.

I leaned into him. That was when it occurred to me that I hadn't asked him if _he _was okay. "Fucking fag" was an attack on him just as much as it was an attack on me. I am certain it hurt him more than it hurt me.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I just feel so awfully for you," he said.

I gently rubbed his leg, "Don't. I will be okay."

"A person can only take so much though."

There was a knock on his door, which made me curl into him due to the morning's events. His mom spoke through the door, she was seeking entrance. Lucas and I untangled our bodies so we could keep our relationship hidden from his family.

When his mom entered, she said, "Farkle, you can stay here as long as you need. You have grown on us a lot, and we would hate to see something hurt you."

Tears welled in my eyes, "Thank you Mrs. Friar."

"You are welcome," she said. After a moment she added, "It will all get better, one way or another."

As she left the room, I felt happy again. I trusted this woman; obviously if she said it, then it would happen. All I really wanted was for my mom to get better. I didn't want to lose another parent, especially since humans only get a few of those.

"Lucas," I said. "Have you ever thought of telling your mom that we are together?"

He said, "I have... all the time. I was thinking about telling her the next time we were here, that way if things got too tense we could go to your home, but that isn't going to happen today at least."

"So what," I said. "Why should we care what other people think. You know, those who mind don't matter, and those who matter will not mind."

"Are you saying that your mom doesn't matter?" he asked, seriously.

"Of course not, she is a drunk. Drunks mind everything," I told him.

"So," he said, "you are saying that we should tell my mom we are gay."

"Exactly!" I said, happy he had finally caught on.

"When?" he asked.

"Right now."

AaA

We exited the room, leaving a trail of our valiant splendor behind us. Our heads were held high as we approached his mom, who was sitting on the couch watching some stupid reality television show. She looked up when she heard us approaching.

"What do you two want?" she inquired.

"We," we had started together. I stopped talking to let Lucas explain, it was his mom after all.

"W-we... Me and Farkle," he said, but I could hear his voice, his breath shaking. "W-we think that we should tell you th-that we are..." he stopped, his face was red and I could see tears forming in his eyes. It hurt me, I had never seen him cry before. Maybe it was now my turn to comfort him, as he had been doing with me for months.

"We're g-gay," he said while turning away from the woman. A tear snaked down his cheek like water flows in a creek. I hugged him tightly as he waited for his mom's response.

Nonchalantly she said, "Lucas, honey. We all knew."

"H-how?" he whispered shakily. I continued to hug him.

"Normal friends don't cuddle up together when they sleep," she said, and then added, "and I saw you two holding hands while you walked here."

He started to calm, "I thought we hid that."

"It would have been a great hide, except that I was returning home from the store," she answered. "To clarify, I don't mind that you are gay. I don't mind that you are dating Farkle. I love you anyway, and your dad feels the same way."

"How does dad know?" Lucas asked his mom.

"We discussed what to do about you two sleeping like you do. We decided not to confront you, but to let you tell us... to make it more bearable, and less awkward," she answered.

I stopped hugging my boyfriend, and he turned back to his mom. "Thank you mom."

"We are having Chinese takeout for dinner. I am going to get it in a few minutes. I am not sure how bad traffic is, so it may take awhile. Please don't do anything inappropriate boys," she said.

"I promise, nothing bad will happen," Lucas said, before taking me back to his room.

AaA

"Well," I said, "that went a lot better than I expected."

"I know, especially since we are Catholic," Lucas said. "Actually it is mostly my dad, but still... I can't believe he is being so accepting of my homosexuality."

I smiled at Lucas, and then remembered he was still a virgin. That, I thought, was an issue. One that had to be fixed. I felt myself getting hard at the thought of pleasing him. I wanted him to feel as great as I did.

"Hey Lucas," I said.

He had walked over to his PS3 to get a few controllers, but he stopped his action to look at me and ask, "What?"

"You," I said excitedly, "are still a virgin."

"I know... but I promised mom we wouldn't do anything inappropriate," he said.

I was surprised at his lack of lust, "It isn't really inappropriate. Neither of us can get pregnant, neither of us have had sex with other people, neither of us can pass STDs around. And I really want to get you off. I owe you after last night."

I could tell he was beginning to sway. He returned back to the process of getting the controllers, and we shared silence for a moment. He walked over to me, and tousled my hair. He turned on his television and the console, so that Uncharted 3 could load.

"Okay, you can get me off as soon as mom leaves," he finally spoke.

"Great!" I said, as the team deathmatch ended the loading process.

We had achieved four wins in the time it took his mom to leave. She had yelled down the hall that she was leaving, and that she would be back as soon as she could. She reminded us to behave, and then she shut the door. I tossed my controller onto the bed in the middle of the match.

Lucas smiled at me and said, "I have to finish the round, my hard little buddy." He was referring to my obvious erection.

"Aww Lucas!" I pleaded. "We are losing anyway!"

"Well... alright," he said, and tossed his controller behind him.

He took off his shirt and placed it on the floor next to him. The definition in his abs made me drool. He unzipped his jeans, and lifter his hips as he pushed them around his ankles. His underwear was straining against the pressure of his hard-on. He pushed his thumbs under the elastic of his boxers and pushed those down too. He pulled his legs out of the holes. He was huge, which made me uncertain of the possibility of me being able to take him.

"Do you want to be naked too?" he asked me.

"S-sure," I said. Some of my past apprehension that comes with sex returned. Though we had been naked together before, we had never been this close in our nudity. It embarrassed me, and his beautiful body didn't help me feel better. Yet I took off my clothes too, but not as gracefully as Lucas. He had taken his time, while I had clumsily taken off the layers covering my skin. When I was fully nude, I saw that my dick was about an inch shorter than his.

"Fark," he said, "why are you so embarrassed? Do you want to stop?"

I shook my head, "I don't."

I walked closer, and got on my knees. I wrapped one of my hands around him, and slowly stroked. His trimmed, blonde bush tickled my palm. He leaned down and kissed me. This time there was no argument about using tongue. He quickly dominated me.

He broke the kiss, "Your hand is so smooth."

"Just wait," I said to him.

I kissed him one more time, and then lowered my head. I placed my tongue on the bottom of his balls, and slowly licked up to the tip of his head. I heard him release a moan.

"O-oh," he said. "W-wow."

I continued to lick all over his cock. When it was slick with my saliva, I engulfed his head. As he moaned, I swirled my tongue around him. I tasted his salty pre-cum., and took it as an invitation. I bobbed my head lower, making sure to use my tongue as much as I used my lips. I was throbbing myself, so I used one of my hands to stoke.

Lucas continued to moan, as I slowly took him in deeper. When I had about half of him in, I gagged and pulled my head off of him. But as soon as I recovered, I continued to suck him. He placed a hand on my head and pushed it down. This caused me to gag again, but he just held me there until I was used to it. He pushed me lower, and repeated the process. He kept this up until his hair tickled my upper lip. I circled his shaft with my tongue.

"S-so," he panted, "g-good."

He put a second hand on my head, except he put them slightly above my ears. He whispered for me to trust him, and then he lifted my head almost all the way off of him. Before I could discover what he was doing, he had already pushed me back onto him. I gagged, which caused my throat to contract around his cock. He thrusted into my mouth somewhat.

He looked down to me, and asked for consent, "Can I do that?"

I hummed a yes, and he continued. Using his hands, he made me deep throat him. I gagged nearly every time, but I held back anything that tried to come up. As he drew nearer, his hands shook a little, and his speed increased. It turned me on enough to remind me that I had a hand around me. I stroked myself in time to his hands pushing my head along his rod. I was closer than him though.

I moaned as I came on his feet. I felt myself spasm as each shot came flying out. When my climax ended, he suddenly stopped pushing my head up. I felt his cock throb in my throb in my mouth, and he pushed down on my head, putting his cock deeper in my throat than it had been before. With the tip of my tongue, I licked the bottom of his shaft, and he came. Seven shots exploded down my throat and on my face, which moved away from him with each shot. When he was through, he used a finger to take some of the cum off of my face. He put it near my mouth, and I licked it off as seductively as I could. Following this, I bent down and began cleaning my cum off of his feet using my tongue. He laughed a little when my tongue tickled his toes. He brought my face to his and we kissed. I let him taste our cum as our tongues fought in a lackluster style.

"That was the best way to lose my virginity," he said, breaking the kiss.

"Good," I said. "That was what I was aiming for."

After the intensity of our orgasms died down, we got dressed. We heard the front door open and shut.

"Boys!" his mom yelled. "Dinner!"

"Perfect timing," Lucas said.

I smiled at him, letting my blue eyes connect with his green. "I love you."

"I love you too," he said.

We walked to the dining room to eat Chinese takeout, and, for that moment at least, everything _was_ okay.

AAA

**A/N: I know I said it would be a week or two before I updated, but I just couldn't wait. I will probably have a new update out next weekend. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and I would like you faithful readers to know something. I have finally pieced together the way I want this story to end. It will fit the bittersweet mood of the story. And I must warn you all: Bad things are to come in the coming chapters.**


	7. The Emotional Wave

**Warnings: Language, graphic sex, the start of strong angst.**

"Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few."

**-George Jean Nathan**

**Chapter 7: The Emotional Wave**

I woke up in the arms of Lucas Friar, my amazing boyfriend. Love emanated from our bodies. I shifted a little, and found myself sporting a morning wood. I sighed. I wasn't horny at the moment, but I wanted it gone. Though I love to be hard on many occasions, the morning is sure as hell not one of these. Masturbating was the first solution that came to mind, but that thought was soon followed by pissing. Normally that worked. So I carefully lifted his defined arm off of my shoulder, and placed it on his side. Carefully, I rolled off of the other arm so it was possible to leave the bed.

When I was standing, I stretched for a second. The motion stretched out my muscles and made them feel warm and comforting. I then walked out of his room and two doors down the hall, sporting a hard-on the whole time. Thankfully the bathroom was unoccupied. After entering the room, I chuckled at the lack of privacy I had had, and the lack of care I had taken towards it.

I pulled down my boxers enough to unleash myself. When I attempted to take aim at the toilet bowl, I came to the conclusion my efforts would be in vain. The last thing I needed to do was piss all over Lucas's bathroom. I devised a new plan. I took off all of my clothes, and turned on the shower. When steam was beginning to fill the room, I stepped in. Finally I was able to piss, and it felt almost as amazing as having sex with Lucas.

I decided that, already being in the shower, the most sensible action would be to wash myself. Using what I assumed was Lucas's shampoo/conditioner combination, I lathered up my hair. After checking to make sure it was contentedly lathered, I grabbed a bar of Dove soap to wash my face and body with. Having completed my normal showering objectives, I rinsed off and allowed the hot water to cascade over my body. I imagined myself looking like a merman breaking through the water in a calm fashion. Of course, I wasn't a merman, and mermen didn't have my man.

I stood in the shower until the hot water ran out, and I reluctantly exited it when the cold began to replace the hot. Such was the way of life: All good things must end. A towel was hanging off the bathroom door, so I used it to dry myself. With the wet absorbed in the towel, I put on my boxers and the white tank top. I left the bathroom on the assumption that Lucas was awake.

Upon reentering his room, I saw he was sleeping in exactly the same position as I had left him. I smiled. I loved the way he slept. His slow breaths that drew in and out with an almost rhythmic noise, and the way his chest rose and fell in accordance to his intakes and outtakes of breath. It was one of the most adorable sights anyone could hope to see. Eventually I got bored with watching him sleep. To cure my boredom, I jumped on him. Repeatedly. I was on top of him, a little farther south than his stomach. My bouncing woke him up.

He blinked a few times to get the sleep out of his eyes, and then connected with me bouncing. And then he connected with _where_ I was bouncing. I noticed he was not without his own morning wood. I stopped bouncing, and then wiggled a little so that his hard-on was comfortably lodged under my leg.

"Good morning sleepy head!" I said jovially.

He said, "Are you going to finish me?"

I paused for a moment to formulate an answer, "No, I am not ready for that yet."

"What do you mean? We have done sexual things within the past twenty four hours," he begged me.

"The real reason," I said with an exasperated sigh, "is that I am not horny this early in the morning."

"How can you be hard and not be horny at the same time?" he asked.

I smiled, "It's an ancient Chinese secret."

I rubbed his chest and kissed him for a moment.

"Hey," I said suddenly. "Where is your mom?"

"She had to go to work pretty early today," he answered.

"Ahh," I said. "When does she return?"

He puzzled it out in his head for a moment, "I think it will be six or six-thirty."

"So we have basically the house to ourselves, for the whole day," I said.

"So," he said, "we could go... farther?"

"What do you mean by farther?" I asked.

When he was about to answer me, my phone rang. The caller ID claimed it was my mom. I felt obligated to answer, despite the way she had treated me prior to this call. Maybe she wanted to make amends, and who was I to deny her attempts.

"Hello," I answered.

"Farkle," my mom said. "Thank God you answered. I didn't think you would. Not after the way I treated you."

I considered what to say to her for a second, "I almost didn't answer."

"I am happy you did, because there are some things I need to talk to you about," she said.

"What do you need to say that hasn't been said?" I asked.

Silence filled the air for a minute before she continued, "I need to apologize. You are not just a 'fucking fag'. You are an amazing and intelligent young man. You are going to grow into something the world will be proud of. And the fact of you being gay makes no changes to that future. I was too deeply wounded by the loss of your father to realize how you were being affected by my attitude. I love you, and I always will. No matter what choices you make."

I felt the telltale pressure of tears formulating behind my eyes. But I held them back, "I love you too mom. You need help though."

"I am not done with my speech yet," she informed me. "I am well aware that I need help. And I have already reached out for it. I will be attending a rehab. It is one where I will stay in the building until I am clean. I refuse to be around you with the violence I exhibited yesterday. Is there anywhere you can stay during this time, or will I need to contact a family member?"

"I can ask Mrs. Friar when she gets home from work," I said as happiness filled my heart.

"Good. Call me when you have an answer," she said. "I love you Farkle."

"I love you too," I told her.

I hung up the phone and dried my eyes. I didn't really cry, but a few tears escaped, and either way, these were tears that represented happiness as opposed to sadness.

"What are you asking my mom?" Lucas asked me after I had my moment.

"I'm going to ask her if I can stay while my mom is in rehab," I said. "She is getting help, and she doesn't want to be around me in case she gets violent again."

"That is great!" Lucas said.

I shook my head in agreement, and said, "You never finished explaining what you meant by going farther."

He smiled mischievously, "Well... I mean sexually. We have jerked off together, and blowjobs have entered the equation... but we have yet to fuck."

"Uhm, Lucas?" I said, confusion riddling my voice. "How can two guys f-... do that?"

Lucas began his explanation, and as he explained I could feel red embarrassment crawling over my body like the feeling of an insect as its six legs move around your skin. "Now the real question, Farkle, is who is going to be the top and who is going to bottom. That... and are you ready?"

"I don't know," I said. "I mean it sounds exciting and fun... but also painful for the bottom."

"It is at first, from what I have read, but it exchanges itself for pleasure," he explained.

"Why are you such an expert on this?" I asked.

Lucas stuttered for a moment before answering, "Well... I h-have always known I am gay... a-and occasionally I would get off to porn that involved two men... a-and I looked up what it felt like..."

"That is sort of cute," I said, laughing.

"Hey! It isn't that funny!"

"Yeah," I said, "it is."

He was obviously wanting to change the subject, "So do you want to try it?"

I did, and not just because I loved him. I had avoided any form of sex during my years of denial. I had never tried to do it with Riley, and I had not masturbated prior to yesterday when I had cum on his feet. I also was conflicted over the top and bottom issue. I didn't know what I wanted in respect to that.

"I do," I said.

He smiled, "Then what role do you want?"

"I don't know," I said.

"Okay..." he said. He patted his side as he thought, "What if we played rock paper scissors to decide?"

"That's an interesting plan... seems like a light way to decide something so heavy," I said.

"Do you have a better idea?" he asked, and we both knew I did not.

As we positioned ourselves, he explained the rules. We would play until one of us won, the winner would be top. If it was one round that decided it was one round that decided. No best two out of three, or three out of five.

Lucas said, "Rock, paper, scissors... shoot!"

We both chose paper. And we kept going. It took six round to decide the winner. The sixth round I chose scissors, but Lucas chose rock. With Lucas being the winner, it was fitting that he chose rock. He would be smashing more than my scissors.

"Looks like you will be my bottom," he said.

I decided that if I had won, I would have let him top anyway. I didn't consider myself a very dominating person. I felt I was a submissive partner anyway.

"Now or later?" he asked me.

"I don't know if I want to do it with your mom here..." I said.

"So now?" he said.

I looked down and saw that he was as hard as steel, not that I wasn't. And I was feeling horny. I used a hand to adjust myself. Lucas took off his shirt, assuming I was consenting to having sex right now.

"God you have such a nice chest," I said, approaching him. I tenderly ran a hand over his chest and stomach. "You know... I am not really feeling it right now though."

The sudden disappointment that clouded his face almost made me drop the act right then, but I wanted to hear what he had to say to that.

"Were you just leading me on?" he asked.

"I just don't know if I am ready," I said, adding as much sarcasm as I possibly could.

He didn't seem to catch it as he continued, "I can't force you... if you aren't ready, then you aren't. I won't push you."

"Oh my God, you are so damn thick," I said. I kissed him hungrily, and tried to push him onto his bed. I was not strong enough though, and Lucas jumped on the chance to take control. He picked me up and tossed me onto the mattress.

"And you," he said as he straddled me in the same fashion as that night in my room, "are an ass."

Before he completely held me down, I removed the tank top. Compared to him, my chest was not as defined. Especially when considering the abs. It made me somewhat self conscious, until he started to play with my nipples.

Specifically what fixed my lack of self-esteem was when he said, "Your stomach is so cute and smooth. You are perfect in every way."

I flushed and groaned. Through our boxers, we could feel the other boy's hardness. He grinded against me, providing much needed friction. I let him take over as his tongue slid into my mouth. He tossed my tongue around, just to show who was in charge. I loved it.

"Take... them... off," I said between pants and moans.

"Take what off?" he said, feigning confusion.

"Aw Luke," I begged, "come on!"

He chuckled, and pulled off his boxers. He looked down our bellies, and I followed suit. I was not sure what he was focusing on until he said, "How can we take yours off? It will be too hard with you laying... and you can't stand up. I guess we'll have to leave them on..."

I opened my mouth to object, but Lucas suddenly pushed against my crotch. He did this hard enough that it hurt, along with the intense pleasure of him rubbing against me. He began to swivel his hips in a circular motions making our cocks circle like a clock. The intensified pleasure that came from the pain caused me to forget my wish to be completely nude.

Lucas stopped the grinding, and flipped me onto my stomach. "Put you ass up." I listened, and put my ass in the air. I felt his thumbs push under my underwear. He forcefully jerked the boxers off of me, and he lifted each foot himself when my feet provided a barrier to the removal of my underwear.

He squeezed my ass, and said, "You have such an adorable ass."

He ran a finger from the top of my ass all the way through to my cock. The sensation was somewhere between wonderful pleasure, and a tickle. So I laughed, with my mouth wide open. He took it as an invitation to place a finger in it. Instinctively, I sucked on the finger. Though I was aware that it was _not_ a cock, I still used my tongue to try and please him as much as possible.

While sucking on his finger, Lucas began to slowly rub himself against my ass. My senses were being assaulted by the stimulation I was receiving from either end of my body, and the feeling only worsened when I felt a hand wrap around me. He stroked slower than the days in school passed. He suddenly pulled his finger out of my mouth and his cock away from my ass. He let go of my cock, and repositioned himself somewhat.

I was not expecting him to pop a finger into my ass hole. I jumped a little at the shock of having something invade me. He waited for me to get used to the finger, and then he pushed in deeper. I could feel the knuckles of his other fingers near my hole. I felt the finger twist inside me, followed by wiggling that hit some nerve that made me go wild.

Panting, and on the edge of orgasm, I asked him, "Wh-what the hell was that?"

He laughed, "That is your prostate. Do you not remember from health class?"

I didn't respond though, because he pushed in a second finger. He did not wait for me to get used to the feeling before he turned the fingers around inside me. He scissored the two fingers slightly, and then pushed in the third. The pressure put against my prostate drove me insane with desire.

"Lucas!" I said. "Please! Fuck me already!"

Without warning, he ripped out his three fingers. His hands held onto my hips, and he said, "Are you sure you want this?"

I rolled my eyes, though he could not see, "Yes! Do it please!"

And he went in. All the way. His cock was longer, and wider than his three fingers. Pain filled my senses, which, for some reason, made me leak pre-cum. The noise I made was stuck halfway between a moan and a scream. He pulled out, and pushed back in.

"Are you okay?" he asked, followed by a whispered, "So warm... tight."

"Y-y-yes," was all I could muster.

He continued the pattern of in and out. His cock was long enough, and his angle perfect enough, that, as he fucked me, his cock glided against my sweet spot. His speed increased with each thrust. Our moans and pants filled the room. He had increased to a speed fast enough that the bed creaked and smacked against the wall. My body moved forward and backward as he pushed in and out. I felt a drop of sweat fall off of Lucas and onto my back.

"S-so c-close," I said in time to the thrusts.

Lucas didn't reply, but changed position. He wrapped his arms under my arm pits, and up to my shoulders. His hands latched onto my shoulders. His sweaty chest coated my back as his arms helped to propel him into my ass faster and harder. The closeness of our bodies brought me over the edge, and I came. His blue sheets were stained with my cum. My climax lasted for a long time, long enough for me to shoot six strings onto the bed.

My loud moans seemed to increase the speed in which Lucas fucked me. But this acceleration lasted only for a few moments, as he was soon seconds away from his climax. When I felt him stop fucking I said, "Inside, cum inside!"

Lucas listened, and released his load. From deep within me, I felt a wonderful explosion. He cock twitched eight times, completely filling my ass. Both of us were breathing heavily. Lucas collapsed on top of me, which made me let my limbs fall. When I made contact with the sheets, my stomach was smeared with my cum.

"That was amazing," Lucas said.

I nodded in agreement. I didn't know how to describe the way him fucking me made me felt. It was not a bad feeling, but a happy one. It made me feel love for him I hadn't felt before. It made me feel like we had just learned the most vulnerable and loving aspects of each other. I hoped that Lucas felt the same way about the sex. Yet, through all the analyzation of my thoughts, I fell asleep under him.

CcC

When I woke up Lucas was awake, but he had not moved off of me. I stretched as best as I could with a body on top of me.

"Morning buddy," he said, though I knew I had slept for less than two hours.

I smiled at the sound of his voice, "Hey. When does you mom get off of work?"

"Not for an hour or two," he said after checking a clock.

I playfully rolled him off of me and stood up, "I am going to go and get a drink of water."

"Alright," he said, and he looked at the sheet. "I will change these."

I exited the room and walked towards the kitchen. The house was filled with an ominous silence. I knew I was being irrational, so I continued my walk. When I reached the kitchen I used the fridge door's water machine to fill a glass with water.

I didn't notice it until I turned to go back to Lucas's room. The manila folder laying at the center of the island counter. It was full of white papers, all neatly organized. Except for a one, whose corner was sticking out. I approached it, and nosily opened the folder to that paper:

"Petition for Divorce"

was what the paper said. Upon reading the document, I found that a man had already signed the paper. My heart fell into my stomach as the realization that the divorce was not a part of Mrs. Friar's job as a judge. The divorce was what was going to end the Friars' marriage.

CCC

**A/N: This chapter was pretty fun to write, and I hope you all enjoy it. Also, the last chapter will mark the end of this story's first movement. I haven't decided whether or not to put it on hiatus after that, but the chances favor in me not doing so. Thank you to my beta, that way my errors could be fixed!**


	8. Forever

**Warnings: Language, "violent" gay sex, emotions.**

"To love abundantly is to live abundantly, and to love forever is to live forever."  
><strong>-Henry Drummond<strong>

**Chapter 8: Forever**

I quickly shoved the paper back into the manila file. I wanted to erase what I had just seen from my mind, but I couldn't. Like cancer, it had rooted itself inside me, and just when I thought it was gone, it just popped right back up. The petition embodied the same puzzlement as cancer too: Why? Mrs. Friar had played off our homosexuality so nonchalantly that neither Lucas or I would expect this. I did not think it was his mom who did this; I could almost guarantee it was his father. And the reason is that we are gay. His father, who was a Catholic through and through according to Lucas, was divorcing his wife because his son was gay. I heard footsteps behind me.

"Who's there?" I said nervously.

A feminine voice answered, "Thank God you aren't Lucas."

"M-mrs. Friar?" I asked.

"Yes," she said brokenly. "I am sorry I frightened you. I got off a few minutes early. I just thought for a moment you were Lucas, and I don't want him to find out that way."

There was no way to hide my naked upper body, but my lower half was still concealed by the counter. I could keep the sex hidden for now. "It would be the worst way to find out."

"I know," Mrs. Friar said. "And, being the considerate and caring young man he is, he will blame himself."

She was right, he would be completely defeated. In that moment, I decided it would be harder to lose your dad over being gay, than it would be to lose your dad to death. I almost felt like crying _for_ Lucas. I nodded in agreement, but kept silent.

She sighed sadly, "Farkle, I know you are naked, and I know you had sex with Lucas. But right now, I don't give a shit. I just want him to have as much happiness as possible. You make him happy, you have since seventh grade. He needs you. Please don't leave him."

"I won't... ever," I promised. I was not embarrassed by the fact of being naked in front of his mom. I wasn't embarrassed by the fact that she knew... probably heard us having sex. I was amazed though. Amazed at the amount of love she had for her son. I don't know why it amazed me so much, but it did.

"Thank you," she said. "Before you go back to the room, I thought I should tell you about your mom. She called me and asked if you could stay here. I told her yes, of course. She said she figured you would forget to ask me. I also got your suitcase; she packed it for us to get when she left."

"Thank you," I said, and then I walked back to Lucas.

I forgot my water.

GgG

"You forgot your water," Lucas told me as I walked back into his room.

"I know," I said. "Your mom was home."

He paled, "Did she see you...?" I used his hands to frame my naked body.

"Only my chest," I assured him. "But she did say that she heard us... you know."

"What was her opinion on that?" he asked.

I paused for a moment as I tried to put together the words in a way that would not make him think in a negative way. As much as I just wanted to tell him to end the bad emotion that would follow, I understood that it was not my place.

"She said that it was fine as long as we are happy," I told him. I stepped close to him and hugged him tightly.

He hugged me back.

"Lucas," I said, taking in the scent of his hair. "I love you."

GgG

Mrs. Friar decided to share the news at dinner. She just kind of popped it into a conversation. She didn't dramatize the event. Not nearly as much as she played it off as something completely normal.

"Your father and I are divorcing," she said.

Lucas continued to talk, "Thank God, I only have one book left for the summer reading." His mother's sentence connected with him, and he dropped his fork. "What?"

"We are... going to get a divorce. All I have to do is sign the papers, and its done," she said, almost coldly.

Lucas turned white, "Why?"

This time, his mom was not cold. She was not nonchalant. She was not sharing the latest gossip. She was loving. She was a mom. She was caring.

"Lucas," she was protective, "you do not want to know."

"I do want to know, I need to know," he demanded.

I butted in against my better judgment, "He really does."

Mrs. Friar stopped eating and put down her fork, "I don't know how to put this... I... please don't make me do this."

"I can take it," Lucas said.

"He was... He is devout in his beliefs," she explained. "He doesn't understand... You-"

Lucas forcefully stood up. The whole table shook. The flavor of the salad in my mouth turned into the taste of a snake's venom. Reluctantly I swallowed, as Lucas breathed in and out. His search for the right words was hard. I could see it in his eyes, and the way his hands were turning white as he gripped the chair.

"You're divorcing," he said with increasing volume, "because I am a mother fucking fag."

His mom stood and walked over to him, offering a hug. But she and I both knew that the way Lucas was feeling right now was completely inconsolable. He pushed her arms off of him, and I saw a tear slip down his cheek. I didn't know how to act in this situation. It was a new experience, and one I never wanted to have.

"I'm sorry," his mom said, quietly.

"That's all you have to say," he said. "You're just sorry? Well so am I."

Lucas ran to his room and slammed the door behind him. The slam was loud enough I was sure that it was heard around the world. Mrs. Friar looked at me, and then walked to her room. I stayed in the chair, and tried to eat the venomous dinner.

GgG

I crashed on the couch for an hour, but the house remained tense and silent. Upon my awakening, I saw that I was still fully clothed. I did not want to stay in the house at the moment, but I also did not have anywhere to go. Right then, I felt alone. Alone... a feeling I had not felt in months. I peeked out the window, and the sun was still out.

Without anywhere to go, I left the house. I focused on my thoughts while traversing the busy streets of New York City. I was filled with worry for Lucas. I couldn't even imagine how he felt, but I knew it wasn't pleasant. Lucas must have felt even more alone than I had. I felt immediately selfish for leaving him alone. When I was in need, Lucas had never left me. But here I was, walking to God knows where while he was in his room alone.

I ran into her window. I had walked here unconsciously. To a place that had made me feel safe numerous times. I knocked on the glass, hoping she was there. Knowing that she would answer.

Riley pulled open the window, "Farkle."

"Everything is breaking," I said.

She motioned me to climb in through the window. I did so without thinking, and I almost died with excitement. Climbing through the window was like returning to a time much easier than this. Back to seventh grade. Back to a time where I could still easily ignore my sexuality. A time where Riley, Maya, Lucas, and I were best friends. A time where Mr. and Mrs. Friar were still a Mr. and Mrs. A time where mom wasn't an alcoholic. A time where dad was still alive.

"What do you mean by breaking?" she asked.

I pieced together the words in a way that made sense to me, "My dad died. Lucas's dad left. I don't know how to take care of Lucas like he took care of me. Everything is destroyed."

"No," she said, "it isn't. Even though it seems like it right now, everything will get better. Lucas's dad will come back soon I am sure, and you are such a nice guy, Farkle, that you instinctively know how to care for people. Don't worry so much."

"Well maybe I will be able to give him love without thinking, but his dad isn't coming back... probably never. He... he decided the best course of action would be to divorce Mrs. Friar, all based upon Lucas's being gay, and his relationship with me. It's broken... all of it."

Riley placed her hands on my shoulders and smiled at me reassuringly, "You thought that when your... when the accident happened. But you ended up getting Lucas, something good. Your mom turned into a rampaging drunk, but you found a way out. A way to help. Now you have more shit to deal with, and you can and will do it. I know you will, because you are amazing."

She hugged me, and I contemplated what she said. She was right. I had found something good in the bad... at least the good had found me. This time, though, I was going to need to bring the good out like wringing someone's neck... forcefully. Right now, I needed to be there for Lucas. Not sitting here in Riley's window. The good was only going to come out if I dragged it out kicking and screaming. I climbed out of her window with determination that burned to my soul.

"Thanks Riley," I said, and then I ran back towards Lucas's house. About halfway there, I tripped and fell. My knees throbbed as I stood back up, and it felt as if the joints were grinding against each other as I continued to run. This pain was not the worst I had ever felt, and I knew that Lucas was hurting a hell of a lot more than me, so I fought it off.

Upon entering the home, I observed that the kitchen and the living room were vacant. Out of curiosity I peeked to the keyhole to see if Mrs. Friar was in her room, but she was not. I left the door, and to approach Lucas's. I knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" he asked, obviously pissed.

"Me," I said. "The one and only Farkle."

The door opened, and I slipped in. As soon as I was clear, he shut the door and latched the lock. I perched on the edge of his bed, while Lucas paced his room. For a moment we sat in silence. I spent the time watching him move. Even harboring such great amounts of anger, his body moved fluidly and gracefully.

I was the one to end the silence, "What are you feeling?"

"You know how I feel right now," he growled.

"Yes," I said, "I do. But it helps to say it out loud."

Anger flooded his face, "Fine! I will fucking tell you how I feel! I feel pissed! So fucking pissed!"

I said, "Good... and how do you plan on channeling this anger out of you?"

"I don't fucking know!" he yelled with genuine confusion.

"Sure you do," I said. "Since it is your anger, the solution is in your head."

He puffed at me, and walked faster. His feet were making _BANG_ sounds as he stomped around the room. I could almost hear his thoughts coursing like a river. The almost changed to a definite when the solution clicked into place.

"You have it," I stated.

Lucas began to take off his clothes, "Take off your clothes. I am going to fuck you."

"Why are you going to fuck me?" I asked, as I began to strip.

"Sex relieves stress, and I am pissed and stressed," he explained.

I was intrigued, but not objecting the idea. The thought of "angry" sex had never occurred to me. But if this was how I was going to help Lucas, then I was more than willing to be the beneficiary of his anger. And, to be honest, the thought kind of turned me on.

"Good," I said. I had completely taken off my clothes, and, upon observing our bodies, saw that we were both hard.

"How are we-" I began to ask, but he pushed me onto his bed. I landed on my hands and knees, which made me aware of the fall I had taken earlier. I winced at the stinging.

The pain was made ignorable when I felt his tongue on my ass. Warm and wet were two sensations new to me, but they were not bad ones. His tongue lightly pushed in and out of me, making a sucking sound occasionally. Involuntarily, I pushed my hips backwards. When he finally pulled his head away from my ass I was wet enough that I could feel his saliva streaming downward.

"No preparation?" I inquired.

"That _was_ your preparation."

I felt him align himself with my hole. The tip of his cock tickled me ever so slightly, but it was enough to make me giggle with excitement. Apparently Lucas took this as an invitation. He pushed in, but he did not stop to let me get used to the intrusion. He just kept going, until he was buried inside me. He then pulled out, and went back in. Within seconds he was pounding into me. Pain and pleasure combined to create the feeling one gets when he has eaten something sweet and spicy. It was a perfect combination that had me cumming shortly after we started. Lucas noticed, but he did not care. He used my back as leverage, and put one arm down on the mattress to hold himself up. The other he used to keep stroking me. I screamed in pleasure as he hit my prostate while jerking me off. I stayed hard, and the oversensitivity made me squirm underneath him.

Between his gasps and moans, Lucas nibbled at my ear. Sweat dripped from both of our bodies. The mix of sweat and blood from my reopened scabs caused me to lose the light grip I had on the sheets. I collapsed, smearing my cum across my stomach. Lucas followed, causing him to ram into me harder than before. He was unable to hold it back. He bit my back as he unleashed his load in my ass. He came enough that I felt it pool out of me before he was able to pull out. He let the strength out of his body, and laid on me.

After a moment, we both stood up, and I immediately noticed the red throbbing that pulsated from my ass out. He first saw my bloodied knees, followed by the bloodied sheet. His mouth opened awkwardly in shock. The first tear moved down his face slowly, but as more tears worked their way out of his eyes the speed at which they fell accelerated. The tears became a river.

"Oh my God," he said. "I-I-I'm so sorry."

He slipped to his knees and buried his head in his hands, "What have I done?"

I approached him, and got down in front of him, "Lucas, it's okay. It felt amazing for us both."

"B-but I fucked up your knees!"

"No!" I said as I placed a hand on his back and rubbed it soothingly. "I tripped when I was running back here."

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

He hugged me. His hands wrapped around my back, and his head rested in my shoulder, soaking it with his tears. We did not speak. I just reassuringly rubbed his back. After a few minutes, the sobbing began to die down. Like normal crying though, he experienced a few aftershocks where he took in a breath sharply, and exhaling with tears and auditory sobs.

He broke the silence, "Thank you."

"I love you," I told him, with complete honesty. Though I had said it to him before, I knew that I really meant it this time. My love had evolved from infatuation to a higher form of love, a true form.

"I-I love you too," he said. "Don't leave me."

"I won't," I said.

"No," he said. "Promise me. Promise me you will not leave me. I let my dad slip through my fingers, and he will probably disown me. That is almost too much to lose, but I know. I know that if I lose you, I won't be able to live. I need you."

I ran my fingers through his hair, and I gently kissed him, "I won't ever leave you. We need each other."

"You are the best person I have ever met," he said. "I am so happy I know you, buddy."

I smiled, but decided to address the issue at hand, "We need to clean up our mess. Why don't you go and get into a hot bath, while I handle your sheets?"

He nodded, and walked off to the bathroom. I began to strip the bed, knowing that the blood stains were not likely to come out. I decided to throw away the sheets. I found more in the linen closet to the right of his room. I made the bed, before shambling to the bathroom.

I allowed the sound of the running water take me over as my mind began to work. So much had ended in the past year. The end of me and Riley, the end of my father, the end of Lucas's father, the end of grief. Countering the ends though, were the starts. The start of me and Lucas, the start of grief, the start of alcohol abuse, the start of love that was never before had. But of these starts and ends, only one thing endured like the shine of a star. That was Lucas and I. Even though some of these things had happened before we were "together" we had still been together. I knew, since we were able to endure before we even started, that nothing could tear us apart, even ourselves. We were a match.

I climbed into the hot water, and snuggled into forever.

**A/N: This is the end of part one. I will continue without hiatus, but things are going to come more slowly now. I have been given many opportunities lately, and I plan on taking complete advantage of them! Thank you for your continued patience!**


	9. Part Two: Forever

**PART TWO**

**FOREVER**

_Six Years Later_

"You can't take a picture of this. It's already gone."

**-Nate Fisher, Six Feet Under**


	10. Gravity

**Warnings: Foul language, references to gay sex, emotions.**

"No gravity, no fallen angels."

**-Toba Beta, _My Ancestor Was an Ancient Ast__r__onaut_**

**Chapter 9: Gravity**

Lucas and I fought once during the time we dated. He had brought up the issue of our inability to have a child. He expressed that it was a major dream of his to have a child. I wasn't so sure.

"Why?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said. "I just don't know if I want to have a child. I like us the way we are."

He frowned, "But having a child would bring us closer than we already are."

"There isn't much closer we can be Lucas," I said. "Besides, how do we know we will stay together... what if we suddenly hate each other and break up? What do we do about the child?"

"What if one of us dies?" he retorted.

That tore at my heart, and I was pissed. I had not even thought about what I said. I was not thinking about how his parents had divorced two years ago because of our homosexuality. His dad had not tried to contact him since then. "Fuck you."

"Fuck me?! What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he yelled.

"You brought up my father! You know he died!" I yelled back at him.

He got in my face, "Sure he fucking did! And mine left! Maybe you shouldn't fucking ask 'what if' so much, and just try to trust me!"

"If I didn't trust you I would have left you the moment I found out about the divorce! I don't understand why the fuck you don't worry at all!" I yelled, and then I smacked him. Not hard, but enough to shock both of us.

"What the fuck Farkle?" he said, calmly. He turned and walked away, leaving me with myself and the sting of guilt.

I called him two days later and apologized for everything. I even told him I understood if he wanted to part ways. He laughed over the phone, and told me that would be silly. Two years without even an argument was going to explode at some point. I agreed, and the next day we had a wonderful date with an after party.

The day we graduated he proposed. It was before we went to the high school for the ceremony. I wasn't sure how to reply. So he sat on his knee for a few minutes, while my mind worked in overdrive. Eventually though, I said yes. I didn't ask what if.

We stayed engaged for four years. Mostly so we could get money, and get started with our careers. It had been easy enough to tell our mom's, and they were delighted. They began planning, which was an almost horrifying prospect. In the mean time, Lucas and I began to send invitations. We started with Riley, and continued down our list. Maya was the last on it.

The problem with inviting Maya began back in senior year. She was going down a particularly rough path, which was understandable when reflecting upon her childhood. But she left without much of a goodbye to Lucas and I. Riley had received a long note explaining why Maya felt she had to leave. The note ensured Riley that Maya had some place to go, and that she would keep in touch. We had not gotten a note from her for three years. Riley was beyond angered when she read it. So, as we were writing the invitations, we weighed seeing an old friend against causing diplomatic issues. Seeing our friend won.

After Lucas and I finished the invitations we agreed upon, I watched him leave before taking the time to write out one more invitation. Writing this invitation was likely to cause major diplomatic issues, but Lucas and I had already decided that it was worth it with one person. In a nutshell, my thought process was "fuck it". After I finished scribing the personalized invitation, I slipped it into the pile. Now all that was left was the wait.

Our wedding day was hot. Unusually hot for a spring day in New York City, but it was also a comforting hot. I knew that today was going to be great. I was excited to begin, but I had forgotten that Lucas was staying with Riley until after the ceremony to "uphold tradition". He would not listen to me when I told him that was between bride and groom, not groom and groom. Reason just wasn't something he was willing to listen to.

We were going to be married in the same park that had provided me comfort over the years. The place was going to evolve from something beautiful into something extravagant. My special place was going to be _our_ special place. When deciding what attire we would wear at the ceremony, Lucas and I had debated on black or white tuxedos. At one point I jokingly suggested I wear a dress, and he wear a tuxedo. Lucas thought it was a good idea. In the end, we decided on white tuxedos.

While dressing for the occasion, I pondered on the day of dad's viewing. I remembered that I had taken off my jacket, and revealed the white, trying to get a point across. That effort seemed to appear futile, but truly it wasn't. That was how I ended up with Lucas. That night was what foreshadowed this day.

The time leading up to the ceremony was long. I blamed this on Lucas, because of his stupid traditions. He would not even talk to me on the phone. The conversations I had were mostly congratulatory, and meaningless. They flew over my head, all but one. The conversation occurred between Riley and I, with a surprise guest.

"I am so happy for you, Farkle!" Riley said, practically exploding from excitement.

I smiled, somewhat fake and somewhat true, "Thanks Riley."

She hugged me as tight as a boa constrictor would if it was preparing its meal. Over her shoulder I saw none other than Maya Hart enter the park. She looked older than before, but her hair was still blonde. I also noticed that she was rotund.

I poked Riley in her side to stop the hug, "Maya's here!"

Riley immediately let me go, and ran to hug her friend. Maya graciously returned the hug. It was a sweet moment, to see two people that had been so close able to reunite. Today was full of hope, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Okay Maya," Riley said cautiously, "I don't want to be rude, but... where'd the weight come from?"

Maya placed a hand on the curve of her belly and smiled, "The weight comes from little Eli. He and I have been together for six months."

I would be lying if I said I wasn't shocked, and I thought about the father. As if she read my mind, Riley said, "Does he have a daddy?" Riley had gotten up close to the belly and was placing her ear on it.

"Who needs a daddy?" Maya said. She looked at her expanded belly, "Not my Eli, especially when daddy left as soon as he knew about you. But let's not dwell on that! Today is a happy day!"

Maya walked over to me, and I tenderly hugged her. Being around pregnant women was not something I was accustomed to, and I assumed I was overreacting. I was surprised by how tight her belly was. I kissed her cheek as we backed apart.

"I'm so excited," Maya said. "You and Lucas are so adorable!"

Riley suddenly turned bright red, "Yeah you two are..."

"Why so defensive?" I asked her.

She giggled nervously, "Maya and I used to..."

Maya apparently caught on because she turned purple.

"What is it?" I demanded.

Riley couldn't finish her sentence, but Maya did it for her, "We used to, um... we used to talk about you two."

I felt an inkling of understanding fill me up, "What did you talk about?"

Maya stuttered the whole time she said, "Y-you two h-having s-sex."

"Oh. My. God." was all I could say. I was both flattered and embarrassed that Lucas and I shared a sex life that they felt worthy enough to speculate about. "I would ask for details but I don't want to know."

"No," they said, almost at the same time. "You really do _not._"

I smiled and walked them to their seats. They chose to sit near each other, I noticed as I walked away from them. I was going to be the groom who was walking down the makeshift aisle, which was decided because of the role I took in sex. The best part was quickly approaching, and I felt a bubble of anxiety form in my belly. I didn't feel worried that I was making a mistake, I knew I wasn't. I was anxious to start a married life with Lucas. I felt like it opened many doors. My thoughts occupied me until it was time to start.

The officiant announced the beginning of our wedding. The quiet settled, and the procession began. It was not very long. Three people. One of which was my mom, who was walking me down the aisle. The other person was a surprise guest. A person I had invited without anyone knowing. This person was the ring bearer, though a bit older than normal. Of course this whole wedding was unconventional. Lucas's dad was the leader of our small procession.

When I laid my eyes on Lucas, my jaw almost dropped. His white tuxedo was completely free of wrinkles. His body fit into the suit as if it were a glove. He had combed his hair down so that it framed his face somewhat, and he smiled wider than I had when he told me he loved me. The single most amazing feature on him this day though, were his eyes. The green shined in the light of the sun perfectly, giving his eyes a nice glint. When he saw that it was his dad carrying the rings, his happiness did not waver. I would have sworn that he smiled even wider, had it been possible with the way he was already smiling.

Unsurprisingly, Mr. Friar reached the end before my mom and I. I noticed my mom was holding back her tears, specifically when she let me go. When she let go of me, I felt a twinge of regret. A feeling that I was making a mistake, leaving my mom alone. But I also knew that it would not be in anyone's best interests for me to back down now, including me. As I took my place by Lucas, I inconspicuously wiped any evidence of tears away from my eyes. I wanted to be completely clean when we began our vows, the most important reason for this being that I was going to be the first.

Finally, it was time for me to speak. I began quickly but as it went on it became slower and slower, "Lucas, I had such a hard time figuring these out, and not because I am not a hundred percent ready for this. I am beyond ready. The reason I had such a hard time with this, was because there are too many things I want to promise you. I would promise to love you, but everyone already knows that I do. I would promise to tell you I love you at least once a day, but that's something I have done for years. So really, you have left me little room to make a promise. So I am going to promise you one thing. I promise that I will do anything for you. Anything. Because I love you."

I looked away from Lucas for a moment, and observed those attending the ceremony. My mom was bawling. Riley was near tears. Maya was crying as bad as my mom, due to hormones I am sure. Mrs. Friar was dabbing at her eyes, which became wetter with every tap. Even Mr. Friar was smiling. For a moment I even thought I saw dad, sitting with his arm draped over mom's shoulders. He was smiling too.

"I-I," Lucas stuttered. I was not sure he would be able to talk, but I had made a promise. I reached out and grabbed his hand. I squeezed it reassuringly, and I saw the spark of determination that normally dominated him return. "I don't know how you did it, but you said everything I had planned. So maybe I can reword this, make it more than it was before. Let's just say that I love you. And the love I have for you is the epitome of my need. Farkle, I do not just promise you this, I need to be this for you. I need to be your gravity. I need to be the force that holds you down. The force that keeps you safe from the dangers of the world. That is what I promise you."

I tried. I tried so hard that it almost hurt when I failed. The liquid flowed from my eyes like a dam that had just broken. Lucas really was an amazing person. I knew that I was the luckiest person in the world to have him for myself. Those in the audience were not faring much better than I.

"I apologize," the officiant said, "for interrupting such a beautiful moment, but we must exchange the rings."

Lucas's dad stood near us, just close enough for Lucas to reach the rings. Lucas first took one of the golden bands, and slipped it on the fourth finger of my left hand. When Lucas picked up the second band, it glinted in the light. He took my right hand with his right hand, and squeezed the ring into it. But when the ring was firmly encased within my palm, he held the position. We passed more love in that moment then we had so far in our relationship. We shared more promises then, than we had moments before. But the moment ended, and I placed the ring on the fourth finger of his right hand.

"The ceremony shall end with the ceremonial kiss," the officiant said.

Lucas and I kissed. We were gentle, and tender. We were caring, and knowing. We were true, and honest. We were continuing forever.

At the end of the ceremony, we got a wave of congratulations. From every single person. They also wished us luck on our honey moon, which began tomorrow. Maya jokingly warned us that unprotected sex might get us pregnant. Riley slapped her arm. The final person to leave was Mr. Friar.

"I am so sorry Lucas," he said. "I fucked up all those years I ignored you. I wasn't being a dad, I was being a dick. I know that I can never make up for lost time, and I understand if you won't let me back in. But I need to let you know – I want to try again. I want to try and be a dad that I never was... please let me try Lucas."

I felt worry enter my stomach. I knew that Lucas still felt sore towards his father. This was the climax of their story, and I didn't know what way it would go.

"You know, dad," Lucas began. "You have a hell of a lot of balls to show up at _our_ wedding as _our_ surprise ring bearer. And whatever the fuck you were thinking-"

His dad looked depressed, "Lucas... please."

"Let me finish," Lucas said with finality. "Whatever the fuck you were thinking... well it was a good thing. But here is what you are really going to do. You aren't going to try, you are going to do."

Lucas hugged his dad, and I knew that everything was going to be alright.

**A/N: Well this is the end... hope you all enjoyed it, please look for my other stories (and continue reading this below)! **

** Now to be honest, this is the end of the chapter. The next one will begin with the honey moon, and hopefully end with just as happy a note as this. I am estimating six to ten more chapters of story. Just as a fair warning though, this story will have a bittersweet ending, but that's all I will say about that. Anyway, thank you all for reading!**


	11. Surprise! Part One

**Warnings: Language, gay sex**

**Chapter 10: Surprise!**

Lucas and I were finally married. Our union was the epitome of perfection, a perfection that was still being perfected. Our union, Mr. and Mr. Minkus. I couldn't help but marvel at the beauty that our love created.

We had boarded an airplane, and were heading towards a ocean-side cottage in Oregon. This was going to be our honeymoon. We had resisted even holding hands for a majority of the flight, but, in the last three hours, temptation won. Lucas's hand carressed my knee, sending electric signals all over my body. I had not realized how much I had wanted him to touch me, until that moment. I returned the favor but I was not confident in my ability to give him pleasure. I saw a woman, probably aged about seventy years, glaring at us with a hostility strong enough to make me move Lucas's hand off of me.

I felt Lucas tense up. I regretted stopping him from holding my knee because of a crotchety old bitch. Persecution was something we should expect as a gay couple, and we should be able to stand up to it. We should be willing to reverse the hate, to make it love.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, and I placed my arm around his shoulder. I pulled him close to me, and he leaned his head on my shoulder. He slept for the duration of the flight.

HhH

The cottage was relatively small, but cozy. It was more than enough room for two men. The decor was not based sea shells and beaches, as I had expected. It was more high class. It had extravagant painting, and the walls were topped off with beautiful crown molding. The furniture was clean, and soft. I was grateful for the lack of beach.

Lucas and I were tired on our first night in Oregon, so we decided to cuddle on the couch and watch television. Specifically, we watched _Alladin_. Not much of the movie appealed to me, but laying there with Lucas was amazing. Just us, my head nuzzled into his chest, and his head resting on mine. I don't remember when I fell asleep, but I was comfortable.

When I woke up, the title screen filled the television. Beneath me, I felt the steady rise and fall of Lucas's chest. Carefully, I slid out of his arms to stretch. I leaned down and kissed his forehead before heading off to the bathroom.

The sun was barely sliding above the horizon, coating the sky a beautiful crimson red. When I had successfully emptied my bladder, I made a phone call. Or rather, I finished making a series of phone calls and meetings I had been working on for months.

When I had finished talking on the phone, I was beyond excited for Lucas to wake up. This lead me to start cooking breakfast in hopes that the smell of pancakes and sizzle of bacon would wake him up. After nearly ten minutes, I heard shuffling coming from the living room, and then the bathroom door shutting. I finished up the bacon and eggs and then placed them on two plates.

I was at the table, ready to eat when Lucas entered the dining room. He was wearing a baffled look on his face. I smiled at him and motioned for him to sit and eat.

"What's this about?" he asked me.

"Am I not allowed to cook breakfast for my amazing husband?" I retorted.

He put a forkful of eggs in his mouth, judging them. "Certainly you can... anytime you want. But you don't appear to be the type to cook."

"I am full of surprises, Lucas," I said, adding a mysteriousness to my tone.

"Oh God," he said as he ate a bite of bacon. "What did you do?"

At first, I didn't reply. I ate methodically. Egg, bacon, egg, bacon. He ate as well, but his eyes were flitting around in their socket as quickly as a jet plane. I felt he was both excited and nervous. I continued my taunting for another minute.

"Well... I made a few phone calls," I began. "We are going to have to cut this a week short."

He became clouded with disappointment, "Why?"

I was unable to hide my emotions, and I smiled as wide as the crimson horizon, "This Sunday we are going to have a meeting, and-"

"That is cutting it by nine days!" he said. "I wanted to spend this time with you!"

I continued, unfazed, "I extended our vacation time by a few weeks. Completely unpaid, but we are financially secure, and we are going to-"

He forcefully put his fork down, "So you extend our vacations, and decide to cut our honeymoon short... may I ask you what the fuck you are doing?"

I was starting to get a little frustrated, "I have been trying to explain what the fuck I am doing, so please just let me talk."

"Fine."

"Good," I said. "Remember that fight we had... basically the only fight we've ever had?"

"You mean..."

"Oh yes I mean!" My excitement was high tide again. "Sunday we are interviewing to pick a child! Of course it isn't as simple as that, but I think it is going to work out.

I could see Lucas's face light up. He had finished eating moments before. He opened his mouth a few times to speak but he apparently had no clue what to say as he kept shutting it.

"I love you too," I said.

He stood up and walked to me, placing a kiss on my forehead. And another on the bridge of my nose, followed by the tip of my nose. Lucas then pressed our lips together, completing the circuit. Kissing him made pulses pass through my body, electricity tingled the tips of my fingers and toes. My brain stopped thinking about everything else, it just focused on us.

I stood up, and he began to guide me towards the room that had yet to be used. Naturally, we did not make it. The lust building up proved to be too much for, and it wrung out our patience. The couch would have to host us again, although for a much different task than sleeping.

Lucas's hands began lifting my shirt up my body, forcing us to stop making out to remove the shirt. The cold air rushed in to cover my skin, causing me to shiver. That feeling was shirt lived, because Lucas soon began to preoccupy me. Though we were no longer kissing, he used his tongue to explore my neck, shoulders, arms, nipples. Especially the nipples. He sucked, chewed, and licked them. I failed to notice his hands pulling down my pants.

I did notice when his hand wrapped around me though. I turned red as he stroked me. His palm felt silky on my sensitive skin. As he stroked, he continued to explore my torso, spending an aggravating amount of time on my belly button. He stopped stroking and cupped my balls. I whined at the sudden lack of attention.

"Oh stop whining," he said.

"I don't know what you exp-" I was cut off as his mouth wrapped around me.

He did not move past the head, but the warmth and wet almost pushed me over the edge. Of course he did not allow me to have that satisfaction yet. He began to move his head down, but he achieved the perfect pace to keep me teetering on the edge. After he had me as deep as possible, he retreated. He took the opportunity to lick my shaft and balls. He engulfed me again.

"L-Lucas!" I said, placing my hands on his head.

He shook them off, and continued to blow me. Within moments, his tongue swirling around me and the up and down movement, I was losing my grip. I felt a finger slide inside of me, not forcefully, but slowly. I moaned, loving the feeling of being penetrated and sucked at the same time. I can't remember whether I came when he inserted a second finger, or when his tongue tightly hugged my cock, but I came. I filled his mouth, and he swallowed most of it. But some of it did leak out, and pool on my groin. It was between my coming down from the climax and my loud pants that he inserted a third finger.

I felt him stretching me, slipping in and out. This was just preparing me for later. He licked my balls, and my shaft. He wrapped his lips around my cock, and he sucked. My senses went on overload, and I felt more cum flow out. I moaned when he removed all of his fingers.

"Farkle," Lucas whispered as he put my legs on his shoulders.

I don't know how, or when he had done it, but he had taken off his clothes without me knowing. I could feel him throbbing at my hole. I could feel him when he pushed the tip in. I began to get painfully hard as he slowly entered me. He brushed against my prostate, making me wiggle beneath him and leak precum. I was ready for him to fuck me, despite how spent I was.

He pulled out, but quickly pushed back in. He kept up the slow pace for a moment, torturing us both. He slowly began to pick up the pace. As he got faster, the pain in my cock began to fade. Soon the room was filled by the sound of our moans and the pats of skin colliding with skin.

Suddenly he pulled out, "My knees are hurting."

We readjusted out position so that his knees could be on the couch as he fucked me. Being completely on the couch would make the fucking more in depth. And when Lucas was fucking me again, he was being sure to utilize the couch's springs to his advantage. Although I knew he was pushing in and out, the couch made sure to keep pushing him back in fast enough so that I always felt him inside me.

I came again, causing cum to mix with Lucas's and my own sweat. A bead of his sweat fell onto me as he leaned down and kissed me. Our tongues wrestled in an unending match as he pounded my ass. We became one person, completely the same. Two humans enjoying our body.

Lucas stopped suddenly, and pulled out of me. Quickly he had himself positioned in front of my face. He was wildly throbbing as I lightly licked the tip of his cock. His precum was sweet and salty. I kept licking him like a puppy laps its milk, and I wrapped one of my hands around the base of his cock. I quickly stroked back and forth while quickening the pace of my licks. Lucas moaned loudly, almost making the sound of a ghost, before he came.

Some of his cum landed in my mouth. Some landed on my forehead, and cheeks. Other splashed of the cum hit my eyebrow and hair. By the time he was finished, my face was covered with cum. With his throbbing cock sliding across my tongue, I managed to turn bright red as I grinned at him, my tongue sticking out.

"Fuck," he said, panting, "you are so fucking cute."

He leaned back down and began to clean my face. He slid his tongue across my sticky face, making sure to clean every centimeter. When he was done he kissed me again, and we shared the taste of his cum. Honestly, this was the best sex I had ever had with him. As he kissed me and licked me, I felt close to him on a level I can't begin to describe.

"I love you," I said.

He smiled at me and said, "I love you too."

We kept smiling at each other, as we snuggled up on the couch. We held together tightly, making sure that no event would be able to pull us apart. As I stared out the window, I felt complete.

**A/N: I will post part two of this chapter sometime within the next month. I am going to have major events happening in my life. But I hope you enjoyed reading this part of the chapter!**


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